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RELATIONSHIP: Confidence and relationship advice
Article #: 248681
Category: Relationship
Original Letter
I am a freshman in high school. I've gone here for advice before about meeting new friends in the new town I'm in and it helped a lot. So I'm a teenager and I guess having a boyfriend is something that most teenagers really want. In the hallways I see all these couples walking around and that's something that I really want. The only problem is that I am kind of shy. I have trouble going up to any guy and just starting a conversation. I guess I am not very confident in myself because I don't feel like I am the prettiest person. For example, one day at the mall this guy asked me for my number and I gave it to him. He said that I'm cute when he texted me and he seemed interested. I felt like he was joking because I find it hard to believe when guys compliment me.
When me and my friends talk about guys they all say things like they want a hot guy with abs, someone who's cool or popular. But I feel so different. I just want a sweet guy who will treat me right. I want a really nice ongoing relationship. I just don't feel comfortable going up to guys and starting conversation because I feel like I'll embarrass myself. I really need some advice. Thank you so much.
Elder Response
Welcome back! I’m glad we were able to help you meet new friends and adjust to your new town. I’ll be happy to weigh in on the shyness and boyfriend issue.
I was kind of quiet my freshman year of high school, too. I had braces and hated the way I looked when I smiled. So I can certainly understand the feeling of not being pretty or confident enough. You might be interested in knowing that some of the most beautiful girls have trouble getting dates because boys are intimidated by them. So there’s something to be said for being less-than-perfect!
So what to do? Well, here’s what I did and it worked amazingly well. My Catholic high school was co-ed but the boys and girls went to classes in separate buildings. There were lots of after-school clubs that we could join together, however, so that’s what I did. I belonged to the science club, the school newspaper, yearbook club and a few others. Not where the coolest jocks would hang out, but like you, I just wanted to meet someone nice.
Much to my surprise, I found out there were quite a few of those nice guys who were also quiet and a little shy. But since we were attending club meetings, there were things we had in common to talk about. Think about things you like or might want to try, and you’ll automatically meet people with similar interests. Some find a drama club, chorus or band to be one of the best ways to jump into the social scene. Both of my daughters were in band – one played an instrument and the other was in the flag section. They found it easy to make friends there because they had to work together as a group to prepare for performances. They also went on trips together.
As for a boyfriend, yes, it’s nice if it happens naturally, but WHO is more important than WHEN. When you do meet someone you click with, you’ll both know it and conversations between the two of you won’t feel like such an effort. So take your time and remember that you don’t need a boyfriend on your arm to make you a complete human being. Once you relax and get comfortable with yourself, the rest will fall into place.
Oh, and by the way, if a boy compliments you, he probably means it. I said earlier that I had braces and hated my smile. Yet, two of the nicest boys I knew in high school (one of whom was my boyfriend for awhile) wrote notes in my yearbook about my “beautiful smile.” I guess a warm, friendly smile is something every guy appreciates, even if we think it’s imperfect.
I hope I’ve given you some helpful ideas. Please remember to be patient and kind with yourself and others. Boys will come and go over the next few years before you find the man you’ll eventually settle down with. That’s natural, so keep in mind that having a boyfriend is nice but it’s more important to be happy with yourself, map out your goals, and create a great future for yourself. Good luck, my friend, and remember, we at the EWC are always here for you!
Best Regards,
Grammy-Lin