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RELATIONSHIP: Heartbroken
Article #: 255567
Category: Relationship
Original Letter
I have been dating a non-practising Jewish man for 6 months (I am Catholic but liberal and was just happy he believed in God - I love Judaism and am trained in Biblical Studies and Hebrew). We fell in love and were starting to talk about a future together. Very gradually he began to reveal to me that his mother would not approve of me and might be "difficult." I was upset by this but he said she would "come around to the idea in time." He asked her on Saturday to meet me and she flatly refused. That night he said not to worry, he loved me, etc. The next day he drove round to my house with my bags and ended the relationship. He said it was not to do with his parents but that he had been wondering if I was the right one for him for a while - unbeknownst to me, all his words and actions suggested he was in love. He stayed in my home for less than 5 minutes. I was very calm and dignified at the time but have collapsed. I can't stop crying, my heart hurts so badly. We were in love last week and talking about holiday plans. I feel he has dropped me quite brutally. Every fibre of my body wants to reach out to him, but everyone advises against this and I worry that he would be even colder than he seemed yesterday. I am a teacher and frightened to go into work just yet in case I cry in front of my students. Please help.
Elder Response
Our collective heart goes out to you but we think you have dodged a pretty big bullet. We think this guy is a mama's boy and if he defied his mother, continued to see you and eventually married you, we know exactly what your future letters to the Elder Wisdom Circle would say because we've received lots of them... you'd be miserable, locked in a never-ending battle with a mother-in-law who despises you and a husband who will not take your side in the battle. When kids enter the picture the stakes grow even larger and the battle really escalates.
We really think you are well to be rid of this guy; please resist the urge to contact him. He had made his choice and it's mom over you; this is not a war you want to fight for the rest of your life.
As for your students; depending on their age, they may be oblivious to your state of mind over the next few days and weeks. Most teachers we've known are so busy during the school day that they don't have time for tears or even lunch! If you do have some moments in front of your students remember that you are under no obligation to explain yourself to them. "I'm having some sad feelings” is plenty of information for them.
Good luck to you; we know you’ll meet someone whose mother will be more than happy to turn over the care and feeding of her boy to a nice non-Jewish girl!
Best Regards,
Guiding-Lights