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FAMILY: Crazy mother-in-law to be
Article #: 256050
Category: Family
Original Letter
My fiance and I have been together 4 years and I've had to live with his family for a year due to problems with my family. But the one problem I just can't seem to fix or handle is his mom. She's constantly making me feel jealous of her. For example we were talking about how in a few years my fiance and I would get married and she was like, "When he was younger he said he didn't need a girlfriend and that he would only love me and he would marry me." I said "Well, that was until he met me" and she just kept saying the same thing over and over. If I mention that he looks good in something she'll tell him he has a nice rear... creepy!! Whenever I give him a hug or kiss when she's around she has to too. It's just all of these weird things. I thought at first she was just being a mom since it's her only child. But now it's really bothering me. It's like I have to compete for him with her and sometimes I just feel like giving up, even though I love him, to let her win. I've told him and he just laughs and tells me not to worry about it. But it freaks me out. What should I do?
Elder Response
That sounds like a tricky and difficult position to find yourself in. I'm sorry to hear that's happening to you. Your fiance seems to be in denial, and I think you need to push harder on making him understand that you see a real problem. If he won't acknowledge your accurate perception, then that doesn't seem to bode well for your future relationship. A good marriage requires both partners to acknowledge problems the other is having and deal with them if need be.
This problem might solve itself if you are the first woman to be in a serious relationship with this man. On the other hand, it may end up an ongoing and serious issue. I'd recommend that you talk to your fiance about possibly doing some couples counseling where you can discuss this issue with a neutral third party. If he refuses to acknowledge that this is a problem for you, then you may wish to consider whether he will take your needs and perceptions seriously in the future.
Best Regards,
Ken41