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FAMILY: Choosing sides
Article #: 256454
Category: Family
Original Letter
My parents are getting a divorce and they have asked me to choose who I wish to live with. I love them both very much, what should I do?
Elder Response
Your parents love you very much and really think they are doing you a favor by letting you choose what they think will make you the happiest. They know that they can't be husband and wife anymore and don't want you to be with one of them when it is not your choice. Maybe they are hoping you will make the decision they can't make.
I think they know you love them both very much. I think your choice should be made based on what is best for you. If you went with one of them instead of the other, would you have to change schools, move away from friends, leave pets or go to a different home?
If you take loving them both equally out of the equation, where would you feel more comfortable living? When you have questions or problems, do you go to your mom or dad? Is your mom staying in the home you are living in or your dad? Is either one of your parents getting remarried and do you want to live with a step-parent?
I am sure your parents have arranged some type of shared responsibility where you will be with each of them some of the time even if your permanent home is with one of them. The choice of whom you live with on a permanent basis should be made by where you feel most comfortable and where there is the least amount of change in your life. This is what your parents want.
Remember that they love you and whatever choice you make, tell them why you are making that choice. They will know that it is not that you love one more than the other, it is so they will not have to worry about what the divorce is doing to you. Let me know how you are doing.
Best Regards,
Charlie