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Should I invite her grandparents? They don't seem to care.
Article #: 256739
Category: Family
Original Letter
Our daughter will be turning 1 this year and we are planning a party for her. As my husband's parents are divorced and re-married, she has 2 sets of grandparents on his side. Since she was born, my husband's father and stepmother have not made an effort to meet their granddaughter and never call. My questions is, do I invite them to our daughter's birthday party? I am pretty certain they wouldn't come anyhow, as someone would have to drive them and they would make an excuse, but do I have to go to the effort of inviting them? I don't mean to be rude, but our daughter doesn't need that negativity in her life. Any advice you can give me would be very helpful.
Elder Response
I can understand how you are hurt and upset by the paternal grandparents' lack of interest in your baby. After all, she is a wonder and joy to you. But you need to understand that she won't care who does or doesn't come to her birthday party. In fact, she won't even know it's her birthday. The party is for the adults who care about her.
That being said, I think you need to make the effort and invite her grandfather and his wife. Despite the fact that they seem to make little effort to see her, I think it is up to you and your husband to continue to be gracious and try to include them in her life. I know little about their situation but since you said they would need a driver, I assume their health is not the best. Perhaps they are happy to hear about her in telephone calls and see her pictures but feel they are not able to spend time with a baby.
For the next several months, if not a few years, you do not need to be concerned about your daughter missing her grandparents in her life. She will be quite content with her parents and other familiar persons. She will not be aware of any negative feelings unless you share them with her.
So concentrate on the family that spends time with her, continue to keep in contact with your husband's father and his wife, and limit your expectations as to how they should feel and act toward your daughter.
I hope these thoughts are helpful to you and please write again with other questions or concerns. That is why we Elders are here.
Best Regards,
Cousin-B