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RELATIONSHIP: Long distance decision
Article #: 260552
Category: Relationship
Original Letter
My girlfriend and I, now dating for about a year and a half, have never lived in the same vicinity of each other. We are both 23 and out of college now. When we were in school we were two hours away but now we are about 12 away. I was offered a job down here in Orlando where I have left friends, family, and girlfriend, sometimes regrettably, behind. The lady and I have been talking a lot about the future for a few months now. I have struggled with this decision for about that long as well. I often reflect on my thoughts on the subject with a lot of flip flopping. I am afraid that we haven't had enough time together to understand what each other is like but then I also think we know everything about each other. We talk on the phone everyday and have skyped when we can. She has everything I am looking for but the long distance thing, now have been in separate states for 9 months, has been really difficult. It's hard to see other couples around and most of the people I know are married here so the social aspect has not really helped either though I have made some friends. I am in the process of buying a house as well. Sorry for the life story but any advice to how I should be processing all of this? Thank you for any and all input.
Elder Response
Long distance relationships are tough. Even if you've been dating for a year and a half apparently you haven't had a lot of together time. It is hard to get to know someone well if you aren't around them all the time.
There is nothing like being together, face to face; Skype and other media are pretty good, but are no substitute for actually being together. If you are questioning yourself about knowing her well enough to marry, odds are that you're not ready. I think it would be a serious mistake to marry or go together on a house until you're more sure of yourself. Moving closer to her so you can have a chance to know her better might be an option. Both of you are twenty three so you've got plenty of time before making a total commitment.
Don't marry because your friends are married or you find yourself being lonely. Before you marry you want to be happy with yourself by yourself. Take your time; you want someone to share your life with, someone that will enhance your life. Not someone to fix it. You both want to be complete before you marry. If it is impossible to spend time together in the near future, maybe thinking about taking a break would be a good idea. That way you could get to know others.
I wish you well, take your time and really get to know her. Do that and you'll have a very good chance of having a good marriage.
Best Regards,
Papa-Dude