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FAMILY: Mom criticizes my hair
Article #: 261371
Category: Family
Original Letter
My mom criticizes me on my hair every day, and is always saying it looks too boyish, too short, and unattractive. I have a short hairstyle, I think it looks fine and so does everyone except my mom. So here's my question. I want to tell her to leave me alone about my hair, it's who I am and represents me, without making her think that I don't value her opinion. So how can I tell her this without setting off a volcanic reaction?
Elder Response
None of us likes to be criticized by anyone for anything. It's human nature. But how we respond to criticism makes us a reasonable and confident young person, or someone who reacts like a very young child. Who do you want to be?
If it's the confident one, then here is how you handle your mother's, and anyone else's, criticism.
MOTHER: "Why do you wear your hair so short? You look like a boy. Let it grow long so you don't look so unattractive. Maybe you'll get a boyfriend then."
YOU: (in a very calm and kind way) "I know you don't like my hair short, Mom, and you're right, long hair is more feminine. But don't you want me to be happy with how my hair looks?"
MOTHER: "Oh, I suppose so. Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy." (Ideal scenario.)
But you get my point. Instead of fighting her in something that you will never win, join her, and let her know that you respect and understand her opinion, and that's all any of us wants--to be listened to and respected. Good luck.
Best Regards,
Kay-D