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OTHER: Depressed or jealous?
Article #: 261398
Category: Other
Original Letter
Last year in June my mother told me she was pregnant with my baby brother. He was born in January. Ever since I found this out I was really upset and started to feel depressed. I told my mom and dad that I was never going to love him and stuff like that. Ever since he came home I've grown to like him and accept him as my other sibling (I have a younger eight year old sister too). But I've been still depressed. I've been thinking that since I'm the oldest I don't get that much attention as I used to because my sister and brother get more attention than me since they're young. I've only told my best friend (who I've never met in real life. I only talk to her over email and ooVoo) and she says that I deserve as much attention as my sister and brother. I never told my mom and dad yet because I'm afraid they're going to say that I am overreacting or something. Even though I have a loving family and a best friend, I still feel depressed by my lack of attention. What should I do?
Elder Response
We are a group of 6 Elders - 4 ladies and 2 gentlemen. Thank you for your letter.
Sometimes it is difficult to be the oldest sibling. But surely you are old enough to realize that when you were a baby you received the kind of attention from your parents that your brother is receiving now. Babies need lots of attention and that is a fact. As we get older we are supposed to learn how to do more things for ourselves.
Having said that, though, if you are feeling this upset, we really feel you need to talk to your parents about it. If you are not comfortable doing that, then please talk to another adult you trust, like an aunt, a teacher, or a guidance counselor. We don't think it's a good idea for you to confide personal information on the internet to someone whom you've never met. This can be dangerous because you don't know who you are really talking to.
In the meantime, if you want to get closer to your mom, why don't you offer to help her with the baby? By doing some of the work you can help free your mom up to spend some one-on-one time with you. Tell her you would like to do something with her (or your dad.) Your parents are not mind readers. You need to talk to them in a calm voice and let them know what you are feeling. We bet your parents will be thrilled to know that you want to spend time with them.
We hope our advice has been helpful to you. Good luck. Thanks again for your letter.
Best Regards,
Kelly-Elders