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FAMILY: Parents splitting up
Article #: 261604
Category: Family
Original Letter
My parents decided last night to split up and my mom left. It is completely unexpected and I have a ten year old brother. I'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Which parent do I choose to live with because they are giving me the option?
Elder Response
Having your parents split up is difficult. Your parents' problems are not anything you can fix. Remember they both love you.
You may choose to move back and forth between your dad and mom. It's easier then to move one place for summer vacations and another for the school year. Which parent's place is closer to a good school for you? Which parent's place offers good extracurriculars for you?
You may choose to be with whichever parent has space for both you and your brother. Decide whether there's an advantage if you two are together. Do you two (usually) get along?
You may choose to be with whichever parent stays near your familiar friends and school. This would make the changes, perhaps, easier for you to manage. Do you already have good friends and a decent school?
You may choose to be with whichever parent is the one who you can talk to easiest. Teens, generally speaking, benefit from a close relationship with a parent. Are you closer to one parent? Does one parent "parent" you better than the other? (Note: While it might seem to be attractive to be with an "easy" parent, you might grow up better if you're with a stricter parent.)
You might want to ask each parent separately if having you with them would create any sort of burden or hardship. Do this at a calm moment. Explain to each parent that you love them, but you're concerned about making a choice fairly and wisely.
As you consider your options, I'd point out that a decision your mom and dad made only a night ago might not be a "done deal." If it was made in the heat of anger, your parents, possibly, may work things out. As I told you in the beginning, you didn't make their problems; you can't fix whatever is the problem between the two of them.
I wish you the best. Write again anytime you wish.
Best Regards,
PicklesMarie