| Read Advice | |
RELATIONSHIP: Scared to ask
Article #: 262358
Category: Relationship
Original Letter
I am gay and there is this boy in my class at school who I do EVERYTHING with and we are really good friends. But lately I am falling for him and it is driving me crazy as I don't know his sexuality and I'm scared of just asking him as if he says no, then I don't know what will happen (it could get really awkward or he could tell everyone else I asked him and I would get bullied). We have really important exams coming up and this is adding stress to me as I really want to ask him but I just don't know how and what to do if he says no (if I can ask him first).
Elder Response
Congratulations on finding a boy who you think you are falling for. As one gay guy to another, I know how awkward it can be when you find yourself falling for someone whose sexuality you don't know. I agree with you, simply coming right out and asking this boy could be a little risky. However, I believe I have a few ideas which might minimize the risk.
You seem to indicate in your letter that you and this boy are already pretty good friends. Cool! I believe this gives you a head start with him. This is especially true if he knows that you are gay. If he doesn't know your sexuality, you may have to go at this whole thing a little differently.
If he doesn't know that you are gay, you will have to carefully find out how he feels about gay people, and things like that. You might casually bring up the subject to get him expressing his feelings toward gay people in general. If he expresses a negative opinion about being gay, you might as well forget about any relationship with him other than friendship. However, if his words turn out to be positive, you might be a little further along the way of getting a relationship going.
If his reactions about gay people are positive, I believe it would be safe to confide in him the fact that you are gay. If he is your friend, I doubt he will tell everyone in the school. If you tell him that you are gay, that might give him the incentive to tell you about his sexuality. If he should say that he is either bi or gay, I believe it would be okay to tell him that you like him. Of course, if he says that he is straight, again, don't count on more than friendship. However, never forget the value of having a straight friend who is your ally.
The bottom line is I believe if you go just a little carefully and slowly, you will be able to learn your friend's sexuality without placing yourself in serious jeopardy. And, if he turns out to be open and accepting, you just might be on your way toward developing what could blossom and grow into a great relationship.
I hope all this is helpful to you. If you need any more advice about this feel free to send me a follow-up letter.
I really encourage you to see how this young man reacts to you because I would be happy to see you develop a relationship with someone who shares your sexuality.
I wish you well.
Best Regards,
Jay63