Go back to search results

Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

RELATIONSHIP: Relationship crisis
Letter #: 290576
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I am going through a break up crisis. It has been going on for weeks now; we broke up, got back together, stopped talking... I don't know whether it should be over. His words and actions are hurting me and in the process of him sending long emails trying to resolve things, I am feeling exhausted. BUT I am continuing to respond to them because I don't want to blow any chance of reconciliation. I did "no contact" for a week and even though it was hard, it was better than all this self-loathing and worthlessness I'm experiencing right now.

So anyway, last night, I finally admitted to myself that we would not work. He is constantly wanting me to change. I am telling myself that I will not change for anybody. So I began my grief work again and planned on not contacting him.

And then, THIS happens: He is taking a Landmark Forum course this weekend and he sends me 2 messages "making amends" and saying sorry for not loving me with his whole heart. So now I am UTTERLY confused. I feel angry that he's making this situation go back and forth and setting me further back in my healing, BUT I don't want to say that to him because I see he is trying to be nice. But, I am wondering if it's just a selfish need that he wants to fill in his mind. I don't want to receive countless emails with his apologies because I will feel more confused and it will stop the healing process.

What do I do?!

Elder Response

Given the fact that you really know this relationship will not work, I think it is in your best interest to break it off totally.

Breaking it off totally means having no more contact with the young man by e-mail, Facebook, phone, etc. Send him one last message that your relationship is over because you feel it will never work and then stop responding to anything he sends you.

It's always painful for both parties in a breakup and the sooner you put an end to any contact, the faster both of you will heal from the relationship and be able to move on.

Good luck, and please feel free to write to us anytime.

Best Regards,

Jane


    

 Give feedback on this letter