Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
FAMILY: Running away Original Letter I want to run away... My parents get me what I want for the most part, they try not to make me a brat but if I really want it, they get it. But they use that as an excuse to treat me like crap. They bully me, play with my head, fight with me over every word I say then when I let them win I go into my room and feel guilty like a brat. Am I being bratty? Why do I feel so guilty? Please give me advice... Ashley C Elder Response I'm going to guess that you may feel guilty because you feel you are playing a game with your parents, and it seems you are good at it. You say when you win your parents use this to treat you "like crap." I wonder what would happen if you sat down and had an honest conversation with them? Tell them how you feel and why, and ask if they could help you find a way of honest communication with each other.
You say when you let them win you then go into your room and feel guilty. I wonder why you do this? Do you feel you have the power to let them win? If you don't let them win you say you feel they bully and play head games with you. It seems to me that no matter what you do you are going to feel bad.
Engaging in an honest conversation might help you and your parents understand how each are feeling, and could provide all of you the chance to learn new ways of relating. It sounds to me like you and your parents have developed a way of communicating that leaves you all not feeling good. There seems to be shame and guilt motivating your relationship. In my opinion nothing good is produced by these two emotions. Open, honest communication will help you develop a relationship based in mutual respect and trust, and replace the guilt and shame that seems predominate in the relationship you have described.
Please write again if you would like to discuss this further. Best Regards, Windancer |
