Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
RELATIONSHIP: Should I stir the pot anymore? Original Letter My boyfriend and I just recovered from a nasty argument. Things are still not “back to normal“ but are an extreme improvement. My issue is that while we were arguing I noticed one evening that he had changed the wallpaper on his phone from a pretty nature scene to a very attractive woman who although dressed, is dressed seductively. He had changed it I assumed as a result of our argument. I hoped it was just a jab at me given the argument. He still has not changed it back. I am somewhat jealous because of this and when I see it, I become angry because I feel like he desires someone like this instead of me. Should I just get over it or say something about it? If I say something I am concerned it will spark another argument given how fresh the other wounds are still. I am insulted because I provide for his every whim. I purchase everything in our house, and pay all of the bills because he is trying to get out of debt. I buy his lunch every day. I make sure he has clean clothes and supper on the table every night. Should I say anything or just try to work on myself so that I don't feel this way? I'm just not wanting to stir another argument up. Elder Response The pot you need to stir is within your own mind, head, and heart.
Going only by what you have written in this letter, your role appears to me more of a mother than a girlfriend and lover. Why do I say this? Because you write: " I provide for his every whim. I purchase everything in our house, and pay all of the bills because he is trying to get out of debt. I buy his lunch every day. I make sure he has clean clothes and supper on the table every night." This sounds like a mom taking care of her little boy: making his lunch every day and supper every night; making sure he has clean clothes.
Take a long hard look at what your role is in this relationship. I don't know how long you have been "boyfriend/girlfriend," but the relationship has changed into something other than romantic. That's what I'm guessing is the underlying reason why he has a different picture on the wallpaper on his phone. He desires a woman that's not busy being his mommy.
I'm sorry to be so direct in this letter, but I want to stir you up to take a good hard look at what is happening to you in this relationship. You have given away your power to this man. Why are you providing for his every whim? Why are you paying all the bills? What are you getting out of this situation other than arguments and sacrifice? Take a look at what you have allowed into your life. This is a no-win situation for you.
There's no need to stir up another argument with him -- walk away. When you see crazy coming toward you -- cross the road! Best Regards, Teresa |
