Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How to Reject? Original Letter So there's this boy, he's a grade ahead of me, and he asked me out through note the other day. I'm not ready for a relationship, and my parents don't want me dating until I am older. I want to tell him no, but I don't know how without hurting him. I feel horrible, but I'm just not ready. I don't know how to tell him, whether I email him, text him, call him, write him a note...I don't know what to do! Please help me!! Elder Response Having been on the receiving end to a “No” from many girls, I know how much it hurts. However, I know it is not easy for the you to turn a guy down either. I have three sisters and I have watched the awkwardness that they experienced when turning down a request for a date. I understand how when it happens, it can throw you completely off guard and cause you to act awkward, say something stupid, or even hurt somebody unintentionally. Here are some pointers for gracefully saying “no” to his date request: · Be honest with yourself. Honesty is the best policy when you want to keep someone from being hurt. You have two legitimate reasons that are truthful – you are not ready for a relationship and your parents do not want you dating · Be honest with him. Don’t make up lies but be graciously honest. You don’t owe him an explanation, but if you have a good reason (you have two good reasons) there’s no harm in mentioning it. I advise caution about how you turn him down. Even if you are gracious, in high school stories have a habit of growing. · Treat them how you would want to be treated. A direct “no” can sound pretty harsh if it isn’t handled tactfully, so always try to apply the golden rule to these situations. It’s flattering to get asked out, so be polite and try to at least show some appreciation for the thought. Remember, it takes a lot of courage to approach someone. · Show him the same respect you would want if the tables were turned. Always keep your tone in mind, stay calm, and be gentle, while you also make sure you still sound assured. It comes down to what you say and how you say it. · Keep it too yourself. If you’re in a group situation or share the same friends, don’t tell everyone what happened. He already feels rejected and doesn’t need to add embarrassment to the list. · I suggest that you tell him in person or over the phone. (In person is best) ¾ Do it in a private place. Where no one can hear it. If that can not be arranged, do it via phone – no text or email. I think doing where you can see him shows sign of respect. ¾ Be gracious. Tell him how flattered you are but you have to say no. ¾ Share your reasons. Remember, no lies. ¾ Leave the door open for the future when your circumstances change and if you both want to revisit the possibilities. ¾ Politely thank him for his time and leave. Natalie, I think that if you handle this with honesty, class, and graciousness, you’ll be okay. I wish you success. Best Regards, Sage |
