Published Advice Letters

Enter a word or phrase to search for past advice (example: breakup, shyness, career, etc.):

Our Featured Letter

FAMILY: Walking On Eggshells with My Stepdad

Hello! I am a mother of a 1 year old. My son is my entire life!!! I am living with my parents and working full time to get on my feet. My mother helps me out tremendously. My father/step father however is unhelpful.

He kicked my sons father out a few months after my son was born because he does not agree with what he does for a living (serving). And now I am at a point where I am ready to move out. I got engaged to my sons father (I have been hiding that from my "father") I'm honestly scared of him. Although he wouldn't ever hurt me I feel like he is mentally abusive to me and my sisters and mother. I'm feeling a massive amount of guilt for leaving, but I want to finally feel like I'm not walking on egg shells every time I open my eyes. I feel like I am doing something wrong for wanting to start my own life. And I know he will make me feel that way to when he finds out I want to move.

Please help! Am I doing the wrong thing?

Elder Response

Meg, I would be happy to answer your letter. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such a negative situation. No one should have to live in an environment where there is verbal abuse going on. You have every right to pick up and move out and make a life for yourself and your son with your fiance. You would be doing something that was very right and you deserve to take care of yourself and son. So, in short, you are not doing something wrong at all. I would encourage you to move out as soon as you can.

Yes, your stepfather is going to probably be very upset with you and even more verbally abusive. Consequently, I think you need to have a plan in place first so that when you make the announcement that you are leaving, you can then actually walk out the door. Then you will experience a minimum of verbal abuse. Even though you said he would never hurt you, I wouldn't want to take any chances.

Your mother may be upset with you, too, but usually time will heal that, especially since you have a son whose life I am sure she will want to continue to be a part of. 

So, go for it and stop the eggshell business, which isn't any fun.

I hope that this has been helpful to you, Meg, and I wish you a great deal of luck as you move forward. I truly believe that moving out is the right thing to do and without guilt. Take care of yourself and think positive thoughts. I am a great believer in that.

I would love to hear how things work out.

Feel free to contact Elder Wisdom Circle in the future if you have any issues you think we might be able to address. If this was helpful, we hope you will recommend us to others.



Letter ID Letter Title
407618 FAMILY: Walking On Eggshells with My Stepdad
407589 FRIENDSHIP: How do I move on?
406035 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Relationship in the dark - figuratively and literally
405921 OTHER: Is A Band Satanic Because Some Members Are Gay?
405911 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Can't Seem to Get Over the Trauma
405889 SCHOOL: Advice for Making Friends at New School
405888 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Shy with New Boyfriend
405886 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Hard Past Is Affecting My Future
405855 FAMILY: Mom treats us differently
405823 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I'm 15, He's 45
405496 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: My 45 Year Old Boyfriend Is a Mama's Bou
405494 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Feeling Numb to Life
405450 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How do I ask a girl out?
405441 OTHER: Feeling Horrible About Kicking My Dog
405369 FAMILY: Grandma Is So Hard On Me
405156 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: It Hurts Too Much to Stay Friends
405122 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Get Her to Fall In Love With Me Again
405072 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Pregnant with My Ex's Baby
404961 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Should we stay friends after breakup?
404959 SCHOOL: Feeling Pressure to Stay In Sport I No Longer Like
404926 FRIENDSHIP: Friends are leaving me out
404917 FRIENDSHIP: Just Want to be Friends, But He Wants More
404906 CHILDREN: Help My Daughter Deal With Questions About Her Birthmark
403840 FAMILY: Confront Stealing Sister?
403740 MARRIAGE: Fiance Has a Drinking Problem
403720 FRIENDSHIP: Best friend distancing herself
403718 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Can't seem to move on
403713 OTHER: Excited, But Anxious, To Move To New City
403708 FRIENDSHIP: How To Avoid Inviting Friend on Trip
403580 FRIENDSHIP: Breaking Off a Friendship
403557 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Go with new guy or get back with ex?
403537 FRIENDSHIP: Worried My Friend Relapsed
403468 FAMILY: Suspect Dad Owes A Lot More Child Support
403117 FAMILY: He Wants His Mother to Move In
403095 OTHER: Not Sure If I'm Gay, Straight, or Bisexual
403080 FRIENDSHIP: Backstabbing Besties
403077 SCHOOL: Nervous About Important Test
403068 CAREER: Boss Doesn't Understand I Have A Life Outside of Work
403067 FRIENDSHIP: My friends never listen to me
403054 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: He's Back With His Ex, But I Can't Let Him Go
403046 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I think my partner is using me for my money
402948 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: His silence is killing me
402657 FRIENDSHIP: Friend Isn't Very Friendly
402587 MARRIAGE: Regret Saying Yes to His Marriage Proposal
402545 CHILDREN: Deciding Whether or Not to Have Kids
402472 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: So Many Regrets
402446 FAMILY: Being honest with strict parents
402321 MARRIAGE: Husband Won't Talk to Me
402306 FRIENDSHIP: Invitations from friends have dropped to zero
402235 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Worried People Will Make Fun Us for Dating
402225 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Want to Explore My Sexuality
402179 OTHER: My Dog Is Attacking Neighbor Dogs
402114 SCHOOL: University or travel?
402056 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Transitioning from Lazy to Motivated
402032 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Do I Just Miss Being Single?
401971 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Trying to get my ex back
401372 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Nervous About Asking a Boy to a Dance
401216 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Rough Past and No Family Support
401181 FRIENDSHIP: Upset About Friend's Lack of Manners
401175 FAMILY: Is It Wrong To Keep My Pregancy Secret From Family?
401122 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: My Ex Was My Entire Support System
400858 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Heart Isn't In It, But Feel Obligated to Try
400833 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Help Me Stop the Negative Thoughts
400783 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Why Did He Leave Me? How Do I Get Him Back?
400685 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: His sexual history bothers me
400653 FAMILY: Selfish, Self-Centered Sister
400651 MARRIAGE: Husband Sending Nude Pics to Other Men
400614 OTHER: Trans Woman Tired of Living a Lie
400176 FAMILY: Worried My Little Sister Is Cutting Herself
400175 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Is this love or friendship?
400162 CAREER: Office Gossip
400145 SCHOOL: How Can I Motivate Students Who Do Not Seem To Care?
400120 SCHOOL: Feeling Unmotivated and Disappointed in Myself
400114 FAMILY: Do I Have to Reconcile with Grandma?
400113 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend is Friends with My Enemy
400097 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: My Moral Compass Is Breaking
399985 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How Can I Avoid the Friend Zone?
399895 FINANCE: Spend Money to Repay Friend on Take a Sorely Needed Vacation?
399879 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: The Guilt Is Weighing On My Chest
399826 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: I think I may have an eating disorder
399823 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Feeling Targeted Because of My Race
399734 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Apparently Everything Is My Fault
399673 FRIENDSHIP: Torn Between Betraying Trust and Helping My Friend
399580 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Her Parent Don't Want Her to Date Me Because I'm Black
398270 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: She's Holding On To A Gift From Her Ex
398242 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Will It Always Be Heartache and BS?
398223 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Relationship - and my life - is deteriorating
398181 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Which Boy to Choose?
398092 CAREER: Single Mom Having Trouble Finding Work
397797 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Don't Want to Stay in This Limbo
397717 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Wracked with Guilt from Sleeping Around
397630 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Stuck In Relationship Due to Money
397626 CAREER: Can Majoring in Philosophy Lead to a Career?
397595 OTHER: Help - My Girlfriend is Depressed and Cutting
397506 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Can This Online, Long-Distance Relationship Work?
397472 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Have a Broken Heart of Confusion
397466 FRIENDSHIP: Think I'm Going to Be Left Out by Two Best Friends
397448 FAMILY: Want to Tell All Family I'm Transgender and Invite Them to My Wedding
397377 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Caught Him with Another Girl
397326 MARRIAGE: Husband Mistakenly Thinks I Planned to Cheat
397236 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Feeling Overwhelmed by Meetings, Classes, and Demands
396216 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Help Me Communicate With People
396161 FAMILY: Having Trouble Accepting That I'm Adopted
396142 CAREER: How to Choose a Career Path?
396095 MARRIAGE: Broken Marriage, Broken Dreams
396078 FRIENDSHIP: Feeling Excluded By Friends
396048 OTHER: How to Say an Embarrassing Thing Without Embarrassing the Person
395288 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Cruel Words Are Stuck In My Head
395130 FRIENDSHIP: Fifth Wheel Is Derailing Our Group Friendship
395111 FAMILY: Feel Like Mom is Choosing Her New Husband Over Me
394948 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Become More Than Friends with a Man-Whore?
394474 FRIENDSHIP: Can This Friendship Be Repaired?
394398 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Failing college and looking for passion
394359 OTHER: Neighbor Has Me Worried for My Family's Safety
394322 CHILDREN: Daughter Doesn't Know I'm Her Biological Father
394218 FRIENDSHIP: Best Friend Is Mad At Me Over Untrue Rumor
394213 SCHOOL: People Make Me Feel Like a Loser
394119 FAMILY: Who do I take to show - Hubby or Son?
394116 FAMILY: Worried My Brother's Wife Is Ruining My Nephew
394001 FAMILY: Mom Won't Let Me Date Until College!
393948 OTHER: How Cold Is Too Cold for a Dog?
393702 CHILDREN: Behavior Problems
393553 FAMILY: Haven't Heard From Dad, And Am Concerned
393496 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Torn About Ending Our Relationship
393488 FRIENDSHIP: How to Make Friends In Your 30s?
393458 FRIENDSHIP: How can I move on?
393444 FRIENDSHIP: Friendship Since Kindergarten BROKEN!
393431 FRIENDSHIP: Cruel Words From Someone I Thought Was My Friend
393398 CHILDREN: How Hard Is It Being a Single Mom?
393038 SCHOOL: Classmate Is Blackmailing Me
392978 FAMILY: Should I Let Mom Live With Me After Her Rehab?
392973 CAREER: Feeling Stuck In Work I Hate
392919 FAMILY: Brother-In-Law Stealing From Me
392797 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Arguing About Every Little Thing
392169 FAMILY: Tell Dad That Mom Is Cheating?
392140 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Scared of the Future
391978 FAMILY: Why is my little sister so bratty?!
391906 OTHER: Charity Registry for a Wedding?
391619 CAREER: Go Back to Old Job, Or Keep Trying for New Job?
391607 MARRIAGE: Worried His Explosive Anger Will Turn Into Abuse
391362 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Work Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem
391155 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Is Exercise Worth My Time?
390754 SCHOOL: Community College or University?
390749 OTHER: Should I Keep the Lie Going?
390293 SCHOOL: Coach Is Picking on Me
390167 FRIENDSHIP: Feel Stupid For Staying Friends With Her
389824 FAMILY: Mother and Sister Don't Approve of My Fiance
389665 OTHER: Grieving A Man I Loved
389190 FAMILY: Religion Is Causing Family Problems



“ Just to have someone hear me, understand and BE there was priceless.

- "John," Advice Seeker




“ What a lovely, helpful letter which I will read again and again... Your expert help is much appreciated.

- "Gillian," Advice Seeker




“ I feel relieved and better able to do the right thing now... Thank you for providing a gentle sense of direction for me.

- "Deb," Advice Seeker

The ElderWisdomCircle™ program has been made possible in part through a generous grant from Google. || Administration
Copyright © 2014 ElderWisdomCircle™. All Rights Reserved. Design by Elana Churchill


 Site Map   |   Contact Us