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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

SELF-IMPROVEMENT: The Guilt Is Weighing On My Chest
Letter #: 399879
Category: Family

Original Letter

So prom was yesterday and my bestfriend was invited to the after party. I didn t go to prom, but naturally she wanted me to go. I was hesitant like what if my parents found out, what do I do, etc. So, I gave in and told her I would go with her we just needed to come up with a story to tell my parents. We made one up and headed to the party house to help set up.

Tracy (the girl hosting party) offered me a jello shot. But, I had never drank before, went to parties, none of that. Still I tried it then some other stuff and as the party started on I got a little more idiotic, doing/saying things I shouldn t have... I have never been to a party before so I was just talking around and I sat on the couch and a guy kept hitting on me and offering me drinks and things like that but I shook him off. I was absolutely drunk and my bestfriend had us stay at that same guys house. Nothing happened there but I feel really bad about not telling my parents and lying to them. Tracy is kind of mad at me too and I don t want her to be, the people that also went to the party screwed up her lawn and she was mad that I was drunk idk why but she was.

Anyways I came home this morning with my bestfriend and I ve been talking to my dad and it s really weighing on my chest about all the horrible things I ve done in the past 24 hours. So my actual question is what do I do about my parents and Tracy?

Elder Response

This may not be what you want to hear, Tracy, but if it's weighing on you the best thing is to tell your parents and apologize to Tracy.  You won't be the first young lady to go to a party and do shots, indulge in a substance that you shouldn't have, and act like a jerk...  We ALL have.  But that's not the issue, we can deal with that later.

The subject at hand is your guilt.  You did something stupid....and you feel bad.  Frankly, I think it was wise to stay over rather than get in a car with someone who was impaired....  If your folks know you're being honest they may have more respect for you.  Parents have radar somehow...they just seem to know or figure things out.  Tracy was upset for whatever reason - you said you were saying dumb things so maybe you did or said something that embarrassed her.  APOLOGIZE.  Again, it will only make you look better.

With regard to getting out of control....just watch it.  It's fun now when you're young but, honestly, it's a fine line between being silly or stupid once in a while and having something terrible happen.  Not trying to be wagging a finger at you.  I was fortunate enough to have had fun but not get addicted or hurt.  I had friends who weren't so lucky.  Use the evening as something to learn from on so many levels.

But again....the first item on the agenda is to try and right this...so.  Sit with your folks and CALMLY tell them what happened and put the blame on yourself because that's where it lies.  Don't start saying how you can't understand why Tracy is upset.  You were too impaired to really know and it doesn't matter.  Leave her out of the discussion with your folks if you can.  Then apologize to Tracy for whatever did happen.  If the party goers messed up the lawn then she probably has some major explaining to do to her parents and maybe was counting on you for YOUR support.  Your showing humbleness will likely put the friendship back on track.  And, being honest with your parents may initially get them angry, but if you're honest with them in the future, they may trust you more, not less.  You survived...and, seriously, learn from this experience.  You'll be ahead of the game if you do.  Good luck.

Best Regards,



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