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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend is Friends with My Enemy
Letter #: 400113
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

There is this girl who is now basically like my enemy. We used to be the best of friends and then we got into a huge fight because she lies and over exaggerates about everything and it gets people in trouble. An example is we went to a concert with my family and one guy drank to much and feel asleep on the corner of our blanket, we told him to leave it was a one minute thing. We get a text from her parents the next day asking if we are ok cause she told them lots of drunk people were falling on us.

So what I need advice on is that my boyfriend is good friends with her which it doesn't bother me. We recently starting dating, the night we did she started telling people she liked him which made it very awkward for me. Now my best friend sits near her at lunch and she talks about me and bad things the entire lunch time. I am just really stressing out because I'm afraid she is going to tell a lie that's going to ruin my and my boyfriends relashionship. I have texted her many times and she has read the texts and when I call her out on what she has done she does not respond. I really need help because I'm very stressed out. Thanks

Elder Response

There is no way that you can control what your former friend will do.  The best thing to do is ignore her, and not communicate with her (no more texting).  When she realizes she's not getting a response from you, I'm hoping she'll get tired of it. 

I would suggest you tell your best friend that your former friend is trying to sabotage the relationship. Then, leave it at that. No need to tell anything about what she says about you to your  friend. it will only increase your anxiety.

I would also suggest you level with your boyfriend. Tell him you don't mind that he is friends with her, but he should know she is no longer friendly towards you. 

You need to take the high road here, Mary. If your boyfriend chooses to be swayed by your former friend's accusations, then he really isn't someone who knows you well enough to trust you. Keep your dignity.

This won't be easy, but often these disagreements between girls fizzle out, as long as there is no response to fuel the fire.

I hope things work out for you. 

Best Regards,



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