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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Nervous About Asking a Boy to a Dance
Letter #: 401372
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hello! I'm a senior in high school, about to graduate. I've never been to a school dance, seeing as my school doesn't really do them. My younger sister goes to a different high school and was at prom last night. That kind of made me jealous. A lot of my friends have been to other school's proms, and the high school my mother teaches at (not one either of us go to) has their version of prom coming up soon. I kind of want to go with a date, since this is my last chance.

Here's my problem: I would have to ask a boy myself. And I really, *really* would want to go with a steampunk theme in our clothing. (Essentially, Victorian meets steam powered jet packs and ray guns. Corsets and gears and top hats abound. I would be sure to dress in a way I felt comfortable and that conformed with the dance's guidelines.) For one, I have no idea how to ask a boy out. Do I ask him to pay for his own ticket? It's $50, which includes dinner and isn't bad at all, but it's still $50. Would I pay for him? I can, but I'm not sure if I should. The two boys I'm thinking about asking are quite gentlemanly, and there's a chance they would object. And could I possibly ask him to devote time and energy - and quite possibly money - to making at least a vaguely steampunk outfit? I know this is something I want to do, but I'm not sure I could ask someone else to work harder because I want to do it.

Thank you so much, Emilee

Elder Response

It is always kind of scary to do things that you have never done before, so it is quite natural to feel this way. Let's start off with a quote from an old song that I always think of in times like this. It goes "I'd rather be sorry for something I did, than for something that I didn't do". 

You are only going to be in this position once. So take a chance. Ask the boy you like most and think is the most fun. Let him know what you think would be fun and ask if he'd like to go with you. Do not mention paying. If he wants to go, you can plan the details together. If he says no, don't get your feelings hurt, but ask him why he is not interested. If he mentions the cost, quickly decide (actually plan ahead and know) if he'd go if you would pay. 

If he says "No", say thanks for thinking about it and move on to guy number 2 and do the same thing.

Don't make a big deal out of it. Just go for it and don't worry about what anybody else says of thinks. There will never be another senior year or senior prom. Take you best shot at a good time.

Emilee, I hope this turns out to be a great night for you!

Best Regards,



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