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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Want to Get My Lfie on a Better Path
Letter #: 404075
Category: Family

Original Letter

Hi, I've been having troubles lately and i really just cannot figure out what path i need to take, to the road more frequently traveled. So i grew up being all family friendly and not knowing the bad in the world but from middle school it all went downhill, i learned cruse words (and thought i was SO COOL for using them, even though i know it sounds pretty trashy but i still use them around friends occasionally) and i knew all the slang and unfortunately because i grew up in a more Christian oriented family i was very sheltered about sex and natural things (school and friends and the internet taught me all of it, parents never told me unless i asked)

Well anyways i fell into a deep dark hole of bad things (all that you can imagine with being sheltered) and i desperately want out, i feel constantly guilty when im around my family and they mention these things and i pretend like i have no idea and i just really dont like this dirty cursey person ive become but i cant dare mention it to them without getting in trouble.

I have a long trip coming up where i think i will have time for some self reflection, and ive overall begun to change around my friends but the problem is my fmailies bias towards me is so strong... i dont think i will ever be able to change in their eyes, or for that matter change myself.

Elder Response

Anytime someone wants to change, Maddie, it helps to start small. Pick one thing, perhaps the easiest one, and try to stop doing that. The "standard" is that it takes 28 days to break a habit. Some people wear a rubber band on their wrists, first to remind them about the habit they're breaking, but second, every time they "cheat" they snap themselves with that rubber band. I've never tried this, but I'm told it works very well. It's easy to get very tired of that stinging sensation that goes along with swearing or whatever habit one is trying to break. Some people pay, either to a container with a small lid (so you can't take the money out easily) or to another person. And the payment must be made immediately because it's too easy to lose count. Some people agree with another person to do something distasteful when they slip, such as clean a friend's toilet, or eat something they don't like. Others keep a small notebook they carry with them and record all their slips each day so they can see whether or not they are improving.

You have to decide what will work the best for you, Maddie. I imagine when you go on your trip you will be more careful about your language and behavior in front of strangers, and that might be a good time to start changing your habits. Then when you get back to your family, they will see a new Maddie and so will you!

Best Regards,



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