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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Friends are leaving me out
Letter #: 404926
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

my friends lets call them abby and brielle, abby and brielle have been leaving me out alot lately. it all started when we all go to the library. we have a thing where we always invite eachother to the library. then on shops, the went to macs to get slurpees and they made plans right behind me. i didnt get an invite so i was stuck walking to shops alone. then they went to the fair and posted it on instagram captioned 'had lots of fun with this girlie!' i just feel really left out of our friendship and ive told them that but they just dont seem to care. abby and brielle have been really rude and mean to me too. ive told my parents and all they said was its too close to the end of the year for this drama. currently im sitting at a seperate table acreoss the library even though i was here first and they could come sit with me. i just feel sad and alone. -emma

Elder Response

I'm so sorry that all of this is happening to you, Emma. Growing up is hard, and your friends, who are struggling with their own insecurities and doubts, are finding it hard too. Girls can be cruel at such times. Friends can lash out, spread gossip, mock supposed friends and hang onto what they think is the top of the social ladder. But it's all smoke and mirrors..none of it's real. It's just unkindness and desperation, and it's only a temporary "win" anyway. The struggle continues, and someone else will be cut out next, as you well know. Lots of drama, as your folks say.


To be truly empowered is to be respected, loved and appreciated and to make true friends whom you respect, love and appreciate in turn. Emma, you will find such friends in time, and you will learn how to be such a friend. It takes a lot of growing up, though, and you are just starting your unique, winding journey. 


Meanwhile, I'm guessing that you in your early to mid teens? Ugh. Who said being young is so wonderful, right?! Like your parents say, too much "drama". Girls tend to cut up their friends with words - much worse than a physical blow. Like that terrible posting about the fair - as in "hah hah! Had a great time without YOU, Emma!" Sounds like all those little rituals that made you a "team" are unraveling for you - no more slurpies and hanging out at the library/sitting at lunch together sad And of course all of this leaves you wondering, "How did this happen? What did I DO?" 


Let me share a secret with you: It doesn't make sense, and you probably didn't do much to make this happen. That's because logic isn't at work here. This is about feelings, insecurities and emotions that constantly shift; it's about growing up. Eventually, the girls in your group, you included, will hopefully understand that betraying a friend is the worst sort of behavior, but right now it's a form of power. And here you are sad and lonely. I feel for you, Emma sad 

I suggest that you try to focus on school and not let the meanies get to you. Don't speak with them and don't let them try to draw you into conversations. Be your own woman, and remember that summer is coming, and who knows what good things it will bring? Perhaps a fresh start with new friendships, new adventures. Above all, remember that you are worthy. You are strong. You are empowered. Always strive to be your BEST self: Kind and caring, doing what's right - not what the meanies do, reaching out to others with warmth and understanding. You will land solidly on your feet....I just know it.  Take good care of yourself, Emma. I'm rooting for you, sweetie heart

Best Regards,



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