Having a crush is fun and harmless—unless it becomes an obsession.

Our elder offers some real-world advice on how to stop living a fantasy life.

Dear EWC:

Hi. You might think I’m being crazy and childish and it will fade away but it’s been a month now… I have a crush on a celebrity. Someone who is far away from me and impossible for us to ever meet.
I keep telling myself it will fade away, I mean it’s just a crush but it’s been long. And in the beginning, I didn’t used to like him or fancy his music. But then, during this pandemic, I was able to understand him, through the lyrics in his song, every detail of him. He doesn’t have a girlfriend but it doesn’t mean I should still crush on him that long. I really understand him because we are alike in some aspects.

I know it’s impossible, my brain tells me that but my heart just finds it difficult to understand. If something is impossible you feel it deep in your guts but my heart keeps on telling me there might be a chance, because with God everything is possible. And there is a saying that with your might, soul, and body everything is possible. Is there a chance or it’s just my imagination that will fade away. Or I’m going crazy.

Please help me because my heart and body hurts because it’s difficult and heartbreaking thinking of what he is doing even though we’ve not met and my brain is always telling it’s impossible. Please help me.

Ms. Mary replies:

You aren’t crazy about having a crush on a celebrity, and you are not alone either. That’s normal. Millions of people have crushes on celebrities. It is so easy to project what we want to see onto someone we’ve never met but whom we assume thinks and feels like we do, whether it is true or not.

We become infatuated and put the person on a pedestal, not really knowing what they are like when they aren’t performing or on camera (which may be very different from their public image). It is easy to make false assumptions. You say you understand him, but it is difficult to understand what anybody is like inside, even when you spend time with them. Believing you understand him makes you feel connected. We all desire that feeling of connectedness. You will discover that when you meet the right guy.
Having a crush is fun and harmless unless it becomes an obsession that prevents you from living your life to the fullest. Since you say that your heart and body hurt thinking about this guy, your preoccupation is troubling. Your thoughts are more harmful than helpful.

The chance of meeting this celebrity is unlikely but possible. Realistically there are probably hundreds of other females who also want to meet him – all of them hoping that he will be attracted to them. God knows your strong desire to have him as part of your life. My recommendation is that you go about your business without dwelling on him. Assume that through God, if this individual is part of your greater good, then he will be in your life (if not him, it will be someone else). However, you don’t have any control over making that happen, so let it go and let God.

Ask yourself if your crush is a substitute for feeling fulfilled and having a purpose in life. Is it filling an emptiness? If this crush were enriching your life, I would say to enjoy it. However, I think in the long run, you will feel better if you put it in a proper perspective. It would be healthier to daydream about what you want in life for yourself other than this guy. Making your happiness dependent on anybody (even a boyfriend) isn’t healthy. What would make you happy? What would fulfill you? Spend time imagining those things without tying it to your crush.

I encourage you to gradually refrain from spending time on the internet reading about him. Cut down on listening to his songs. Build a life around yourself, not him. Spend time engaging with friends and activities you enjoy. Focus on goals and objectives that you would like to accomplish and would help you feel good about yourself.
There are also lots of videos on YouTube about getting over celebrities or crushes in general. These offer all sorts of perspectives that may be helpful to you.

Most of us experience crushes. There is nothing wrong with that. The key is to keep your life balanced in all categories (i.e., personal growth, fun & recreation, physical environment, health, school/business/career, family/friends, and spirituality/religion).

I’m happy to talk with you further if I can be of more help. I hope my advice hasn’t depressed you. Please trust that when the time is right, you will meet a guy who you relate to even better than this celebrity, someone who you can touch and who shares your life daily. Visualize that, believe it, and savor those feelings. Sending good thoughts your way, dear one.

Other
#461838