Just Want to be Friends, But He Wants More


Just Want to be Friends, But He Wants More


Original Letter

Hi, I have a guy friend that I really like to hang out with but he had a crush on me, so I tried to have minimal contact with him. He started dating another girl, so I thought he was over me and so I started talking to him again, but he still showed signs of interest so I don’t know if I should back off again. He has a new girlfriend, but still he can’t seem to take his eyes off me and I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him because the situation is fragile itself and I really don’t want to hurt him, and then try to be friends with him again. I’ve been trying to give subtle hints that I’m not looking for a boyfriend but a girlfriend (I’m bisexual) at the moment and not ready to date guys, but it seems it went in one ear and out the other. Any advice? Thanks, Kay

Elder Response

It’s a matter of being straight with him, Kay.

Just tell him exactly what you said in this message. The problem is not wanting to hurt him. Well, you may not be able to avoid it. That’s the way it is. He will learn to take rejection. At some point or another you will face the same situation and face rejection also. That is another learning experience all of us go through.

Don’t give hints. I am aware you are trying to be nice but hints can be misinterpreted. That is why the clear and honest approach is better. He will decide whether he can still try. However, at that moment he has no reason to believe he has a chance with you. You can avoid him with a clear conscience if necessary and he can’t say you were not honest with him.

Just gather the strength to let him know.

I hope this reply helped you. Do feel free to write for further advice. Also, we welcome your feedback to let us know how you are doing and I wish you good luck.

Best Regards,


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