My ex girlfriend and I fight all the time but she’s having my baby. I’m not ready to be a dad!

It’s time to step up and take responsibility, says our elder.

Dear EWC

Me and this girl used to date and we ended breaking up after a few months. So six months later we started talking again. One thing led to another and now she is pregnant. I don’t know what to do; we fight all the time. We annoy each other all the time. I love her more then anything but I don’t think she feels the same way. I’m not ready to be a dad but there is no way she will have an abortion. She is still in college and wants to be a teacher. I wanted to be a personal trainer. I feel like my life is falling apart and I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or personal experience with a situation like this?

Granny-Nora replies

I’m sorry you are having a hard time. Unfortunately, we all have to pay the consequences for our mistakes. Whatever you do, you need to be responsible. You and the young lady have some very serious choices to make.

The young lady has already made one decision; she won’t have an abortion. Now you both need to decide what is best for the child. Are you ready to be parents? If she is not your girlfriend, and you fight all the time, would this be an environment in which to bring up a child? A child deserves two parents who love each other and who love the child. There are lots of couples who can’t have children who are waiting patiently to adopt. Their hearts ache to have children in their lives. You and this young woman have the opportunity to do a very selfless thing and provide your child with loving parents. Two of my grandchildren are adopted, and I can’t even begin to describe the blessing they are to our family. We pray every single day for the birth parents.

If the young lady does not want to put the baby up for adoption, and if you can’t see yourself marrying this woman, then you must at the very minimum take financial responsibility for this child. It would be best for the child if you and the woman could put aside your differences so that you could participate in the parenting process, even if you don’t get married. If that isn’t possible, at least provide child support for this child. Having sex is an adult thing with adult consequences, so do the adult thing.

I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time, but you now have an opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes. You have a chance to become a better man. Sexual intimacy is the means for creating families, and I hope in the future you will save that kind of intimacy for the woman you will spend the rest of your life loving. It may seem like your life is falling apart now, but this is only a small moment in time. Use this moment to help you become a better man. Be the phoenix who rises from the ashes.

Good luck. If you have questions or problems in the future, please write to Elder Wisdom Circle again. We are here to help.

Letter #: 404011
Category: Children