I texted my sister’s bf

He seemed cool but says I weirded him out, and now my sis is mad at me.

How can I stop feeling like a doofus? You crossed a boundary, says our elder. Apologize to your sister, and try not to be angry with her.

Dear EWC

My 16-year-old big sister got a boyfriend two months ago, which I’m definitely not used to. From what I heard, he’s cool, understanding, confident, funny, even good looking. He’s a lot like a guy I want to be. Despite that I’m not the biggest extrovert at all, he seemed very interesting. When my head was tired and it was late, I decided to text him. I tried to tell him I was her brother but accidentally typed ‘uncle’. After I explained the mistake in typing, I asked how he got a girl so easily (they met because he complimented her in Walmart). And I said I heard a lot of great things about him. He was casually polite with his replies, saying, “I just thought she was cute and wanted to meet her” and, “Oh really? That’s awesome.”

The next day my sister came home. In the middle of our conversation she said, “Don’t text my boyfriend. He sent me a picture of you texting him and was really weirded out and uncomfortable because he didn’t know you.” She told me if I talked to him, it better be to his face with ‘social norms’. And that he’d tell her if I texted him again, and then she’d tell the parents, and ended it with, “So embarrassing!”

I feel like a bad person and a doofus but I have a lot of feelings which are also mixed. So now he hates me? No, does he? Wait no, what did I do? Embarrass her? I understand how he’d feel if he didn’t know the person, but this reaction is as if I were actually going to harm him. I feel like an isolated clown. Overall, he seemed like a cool guy but I just weirded him out in the end. I could’ve given a better impression. I know I’m just a teenager and this is a tiny fraction of my whole life, but I can’t kill the feeling and don’t know how to handle it for the moment. How should I be feeling? What should I do? I don’t want to just do nothing because that makes me feel worse.

RandyP replies

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is awkward, teenage years can be tough, and brother/sister relationships during that time can be difficult. I appreciate your courage in reaching out for advice. I hope my comments will help.

You mentioned that you are “not used to” your sister having a boyfriend. There are some boundaries brothers (and sisters) probably shouldn’t cross. I think you should apologize to your sister for texting the boyfriend. Consider adding that you recognize that it was a stupid thing to do. She may have exaggerated his reaction, but that really doesn’t matter when you are a teenager. Also, consider adding that you think he is cool and that you are happy for her. Don’t necessarily expect a nice reply in return. If you don’t get a reply, then just walk away and go on with your day.

On a side note, I have over the years seen a variety of interesting texting mistakes, and the auto-spell checker can give some interesting results. I always check my text messages before I send them.

Try not to let any anger build up about this which could result in a regrettable incident between your sister and you. I was the big brother, and I had three children (all adults now) who are five years apart. There were some interesting times when they were teenagers. They outgrew their teenage thinking, as did my sister and I. They are now in their mid-20s to early 30s and are actually pretty close. Good luck!

Letter #: 449725
Category: Family

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