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Abandoned in the ER

My neighbor left me in the ER but when I told her I was hurt, she shunned me! Was I wrong?

It sounds like she is showing her true colors, says our elder.

Dear EWC

Last year, my neighbor called me to ask if I would take her to the ER to follow the ambulance that had taken her husband to the hospital with chest pains. I immediately went to her house and we drove there. I stayed with them until he was admitted and then I took her home around midnight. Several months later, I asked her to take me to the ER because my blood sugar was sky-high and I was frightened. She and her husband took me to the ER, but couldn’t leave fast enough after dropping me off. She said she had dinner in the oven and her husband had an early bedtime because of his work shift. I was so disappointed in her and she only texted me once to see if I had been admitted. I left the hospital in an Uber around midnight.

Two days later, she called and hardly asked me how I was doing and what the doctors found out. I told her I felt slighted that she hadn’t stayed with me. She flew into a rage over the phone and told me she would make sure that even her daughter, who was also a friend, would block me from Facebook and would block my phone number and email as she was going to do. This was last year and she has made it her business to avoid me like the plague. The back of her house faces the back of mine and she even erected a fence so she doesn’t have to see me when I am in my backyard.

I had been friends with this woman for almost nine years and she expressed so much hatred for me that I’m still reeling over it. I don’t think I deserved such animosity. I didn’t use any harsh words with her at all and her anger and resentment are over the top, in my opinion. I’ve thought of extending the olive branch, but frankly I’m afraid she’ll lash out at me again and I would be putting myself in the position of having done something wrong to her, which I did not. I thought that as a friend I could express my disappointment to her and she would’ve at least acknowledged that she could’ve allowed her husband to eat his dinner alone just that one night in this emergency. I feel bad about this whole thing, but in another way I feel she showed her true colors to me. What do you think?

Tutu-Debbie replies

I believe she is showing one of her true colors. Some people in this world are unable to let a grudge go. Resuming the relationship may be all good for a while, but then something like this will happen again. In order to befriend this person, you have to be willing to allow her to snub you as she thinks appropriate — which in my mind is unfair.

She may have felt guilty for the decision she made when she left you at the hospital, and that has caused her to try to justify it. She may, like many women, have been afraid to disappoint her husband by sending him home to dinner alone. Even if he didn’t care, a number of women are afraid to not do what they think their husbands expect.

I have seen neighbors like this shun my father-in-law for silly reasons, and then come back around on their own. It is just a certain personality quirk, I think. In order to decide whether to make an effort to renew the relationship, I would consider whether it is more beneficial for me to have a helpful friendly neighbor, or to forget about her and not risk further disputes. Because she has erected the fence, I would day she is pretty determined to continue to shun you. It is a shame she is hurting herself, but you don’t have to be hurt by her any more.

I hope this helps in your decision making. Good luck to you!

Letter #: 458611
Category: Friendship

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