You thought you shared values but should you share drugs in the name of friendship?

Our elder says absolutely not, and here’s why.

Dear EWC:

Hi, I’m a freshman in high school. I thought my friends and I shared the same thoughts when it came to drugs, but one of my friends has started to use drugs. She tried to hide it from me. I started to think that something was wrong near the end of the school year. She was becoming more aggressive, more angry and couldn’t talk to me without getting mad. For two years she had manipulated me to go where she went and do what she wanted. I found out she was doing drugs when my friend
Michelle told me there are videos of her smoking weed on her social media and she had blocked me from seeing them.

All my other friends are all agreeing that she is impossible to deal with between her outbursts and her being sad all the time. We try to talk to her and help her and she doesn’t take the help, even though she asked for help. She has started to drift away from me, we don’t talk and she calls me a goody-two-shoes and a prick and a lot of other things behind my back. The worst is when she called me a waste of her time and she said it when i was struggling with my fear of being lonely. I know she is not a good friend and is a bad person to be around. My mind always tells me that maybe if i did drugs with her, she would like me.
I guess what I’m getting at is: Is it a good idea to start doing drugs so she likes me again or let her leave my life.

Hedwig replies:

Doing drugs so she will like you is the worst idea possible. Have you ever considered the possibility that you could swallow all the drugs in the world, and she might still not like you? In fact, I predict that she would find another reason not to like you. You MUST be liked for the person you are – your own values, hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. Otherwise, the relationship is valueless.

If drugs are changing her personality so much, I predict that you are not the only friend who will be turned off and turned away. Let her drift away – it is the best possible outcome unless she changes. And you can never make another person change.

In addition, drugs alter mind and personality – maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. You do not know what effect they might have on you. If you like yourself and take pride in the person you are and have goals for the person you hope to be, do not be sidelined by artificial, harmful experimentation. Stand up for your solid values and let her go.

Letter #: 442064
Category: Friendship