Her daughter attended a friend’s party. The friend’s dad supplied the drugs and alcohol.
Our elder weighs in on mom’s options…and her responsibilities.

Dear EWC:

I was just recently informed that a friend of my husband just hosted a party of underage kids at his house that included drinking and drug use. His friend supplied it all.

My dilemma here is that I have a young daughter who is friends with this guy’s daughter who threw the party. She is a cheerleader in high school and most of the cheer squad and football team was at the party and engaging in this activity.

Do I have a moral obligation to notify the school and tell them about these parties and that our student athletes are engaging in this type of behavior? Or should I just let it go because it is not of any of my concern?

Pure-Sue replies:

I would suggest looking directly within your state and your school district policies. Personally I know that it is a serious offense where I live and the school did hold meetings for parents to know specifics.
You can call the school and find out anonymously, without sharing the name of this man at this time, what their protocol is, and what they suggest if it does happen again.

If you notify the school there could be serious repercussions not only to that friend of your husband but even with your husband, you, your daughter and her friends. So I suggest speaking with your husband first about what has happened. You can share that you would like to be straightforward with his friend and share that if this behavior continues and the rest is up to what you and your husband decide. Remember, if you make a statement, let’s say that you will inform the school, be prepared to follow through on it. Have some facts prepared for him to be aware of himself.

That way the friend hears your thoughts and is now on alert. But do your homework and get all the facts you need to be clear and concise and not emotional.

I believe you should speak to your daughter about your expectations for her if she finds herself in this situation; she may and often. Hear her out and set a protocol that if she does ever drink or take drugs and feels inebriated she is to call you or your husband and you will get her immediately.

Clearly you need structured guidelines that only your family can set for your family. Most importantly, stay calm and allow your daughter a chance to share her thoughts. She may be feeling uncomfortable with this friend of hers now. She may feel uncomfortable with your questions and concerns. Leave space for her to express her feelings on the subject and honor her openness and honesty—as well as yours.
I hope this helped with your decision. I wish you the best outcome.

Children
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