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Too soon to unfriend?

She and her bestie broke up but they might not be ready to call it quits for good.

People do weird things, says our elder. Give it some time and cut her some slack.

Dear EWC:

Hi, so my best friend and me had a rough ‘breakup’ about two months ago. We constantly argued over her and this boy she had only talked to for a few months because she would not let herself move on. As much as I hate to say it, when she entered that relationship, she became a bad friend.

Two months ago we got into another fight about her needing to move on so we ended the friendship. She texted me a month ago about finding a paper with notes we were writing back and forth to each other and I texted back but we didn’t talk more than that. She just texted me tonight about advice on applying to college and what not and we are still texting about an hour later about what’s been going on in our lives.

I’m scared to get hurt again and I don’t have any other friends to talk to. I have no idea what to do anymore because of course I miss my best friend but what if two months wasn’t enough time to grow and mature?

Good-Listener replies:

I understand (as much as I can) what you’re going through. And, by the way – these types of issues with friends don’t stop necessarily with youth. People do weird things and it’s up to us to adjust and decide what we can put up with and what we can’t.

Having said that, my opinion is that your friend, or ex-friend (depending on how things end up) is trying to sort of make amends. That’s fine. None of us is perfect, and we all make mistakes and say things we regret. However, it’s just one of those incidents to consider when moving forward. If this is a rare occurrence, and you genuinely like this person, cut her some slack. If this becomes a pattern, then you’ve been “forewarned” and can expect other incidents to occur.

What I’m saying is that, it may be that this friendship can be revived and it’s just one of those disagreements people have that they work through. If it becomes a pattern, then decide if she’s worth having in your life. If not, then move on (by the way, I am NOT a fan of telling people off; that never solves anything). If you can handle her behavior, then understand this is who she is, and keep the friendship on a level you can handle, knowing she can’t or won’t be the best buddy you wish you had.

As I said – these things go on throughout a lifetime. I’m coming up on 70 and have had disappointments even in the last few years. The difference is I know how to handle them better. And so will you. Good luck.

Friendship
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