Am I enough?

This adoptee feels empty and rejected.

You’re not alone, says our elder, and you deserve love. It’s OK to ask for it.

Dear EWC:

Hi, I’m 19 years old and have a simple life. I speak from Brazil so you can imagine a poor house as that stuff. Actually my parents work a lot to provide me a better life, but sometime I feel overwhelmed, and with a lot of pressure on my shoulders.

I’m not the most intelligent, extrovert, beauty person in the word, but I’m kind, I have a good heart, I like to listen to other…and most of the time its like they don’t notice that on me. They just ask me for those things that I cant give then yet, and that makes me feel a little rejected, like I’m not enough. As a matter of fact, I’m adopted, so I fight a lot with this feeling of being rejected or less than my sister who is a blood daughter.

Well, its a small thing, but as I said, its been here in my heart since I could speak, so I guess its becoming something that I cant control, my thoughts are all dark and creepy sometimes, I just feel empty, not in control of my life anymore, so I just want some attention. Someone who can say those lovely things to me, so I can feel heard. Thanks for the time.

Ms.Mary replies:

Your feelings of emptiness and not being good enough are extremely common among adoptees. You are not alone. I don’t have any simple answers to help you feel better; however, I want you to know how impressed and moved I was when I read your letter. It touched my heart.

You say that you are kind, have a good heart, and are a good listener. I can think of no other qualities that are more important in a person. You have so much to offer, even though you probably don’t realize that now, and it may take some time.

I’m impressed, too, that you shared your feelings honestly. That takes courage to acknowledge how you feel. All the feelings you expressed, even the dark and creepy ones, are okay to have. I know it would be hard, but I think it is important to share your feelings with your parents or anybody else you are close to. Tell them that you feel rejected and empty. Ask them how they feel about you. Give them a chance to express their feelings. You said that your parents work hard to make a better life for you. That is how they express their love through their actions. However, ask them if they love you. Tell them that it would mean a lot to you to know how they feel.

Whatever we think about gets bigger, whether we like it or not. It is no wonder that your negative feelings are growing. You can’t stop them immediately, but if you can start acknowledging those things you appreciate about yourself, you will gradually tip the table and enjoy more positive feelings.

You are a good, kind, sincere, honest, and worthy person who deserves love. I will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way.


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