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I still envy the popular kids

A college student still follows the popular clique from high school on social media and it makes him sick with jealousy.

Rise above it, says our elder.

 

Dear EWC

I am a college student. I have a history of changing schools a few times due to work place transfer of my parents. I spent two years of high school in this particular school. Since I joined the school at the age of 14 and even changed country, had some trouble making friends and conversations but over time, it did happen. Back then, there was a popular friends group who were really happy and active all the time. I have always been envious of them. Now after about six years, they are still close and hang out a lot. I track them on social media and I am still jealous of them. Watching their updates spoils my day. I have never tried to be included in the group or had any issues with them. But seeing them all happy and sincere even after all these years makes me sick which I absolutely understand is unhealthy. Got any suggestions for this?

Mrs.G replies

Your letter really brought me back to my school days. Your problem truly reminded me of how I felt during my high school days. There was a group which I envied, but I got over it so hopefully you will also.

During these years, I was extremely jealous of this friend group and so wanted to be part of them. I knew I couldn’t, however, so just lived with my sadness. But, they just seemed like the ideal people who led the ideal life. They were all good looking, had money, dressed well, and just didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Me, on the other hand, felt so plain, didn’t have much money, and always worried what I wore to school because my clothes were not of the latest fashion. Yes, I was jealous.

I say I got through it but not sure exactly how. I think I just lived with this envy but kept going with my own friends and activities and somehow the days just passed. Now we didn’t have social media in those days which made things easier, but I did still have to see them every day.

From my experience, I do believe your jealousy someday will go away. Obviously you should stay away from checking on them  through social media but I know that will be difficult for you. I will say, however, social media is known for having people exaggerate their lives. Think about it, usually the good times are posted – not the bad. And the lovey dovey pictures are posted – but when someone is alone, nothing gets posted. So, in actuality, what you are seeing is somewhat unreal. It’s a picture of a pretend world.

I do think you’ll get through this and one way you can be helped is by trying to like yourself more. Try not to be so critical of your shortcomings and make yourself feel like you’re less than others. And really try to believe that this group is not as perfect as you think they are. It’s just a mixture of other human beings who happen to still be connected and who like to show off. Rise above all this and become a better person!

The bottom line, stop making yourself sick over this. Focus on your studies and the friends you have. And remember, like yourself more. I sure hope you can do this. Take care.

Article #: 472007

Category: Friendship

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