I’m a third wheel!

I’m happy that my best friend has a boyfriend but does he have to invite him along every time? 

Schedule some alone time with your friend, and explain why you feel this way, says our elder.

Dear EWC

My best friend is in a relationship and he wants me to hang out with him and his boyfriend. But I feel like a third wheel. I’ve talked to him about it, but he doesn’t really care. He tells me that his boyfriend doesn’t mind me hanging out with them but honestly I don’t care how the boyfriend feels about me hanging out with them. Because if the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn’t put my best friend through that. Only he and I were supposed to hangout for my birthday but he invited his boyfriend along without talking to me. So you know what that means… ”third wheel”. But the whole point is, every time we hang out, he brings his boyfriend along which is very annoying. I’m not jealous or anything because I am happy for him but as far as me being a third wheel, is a no-no. So can you give me some advice please?

Ruby-Mary replies

Sorry to hear you and your best friend are at odds about hanging out with him and his boyfriend. I understand how you feel like a third wheel when your best friend wants the three of you to hangout together all the time. Kudos to you for letting your friend know how you feel. Unfortunately your friend doesn’t agree with you about being a third wheel. He’s convinced that his boyfriend doesn’t mind you hanging out with them. This may be true, but that doesn’t change how you feel. Your best friend is going to have to understand how you feel and how hanging out with them all the time makes you uncomfortable. In my opinion, this call is up to you. You are uncomfortable and I think it’s important to you to have some alone time with your best friend. There’s some things you and your best friend need to talk about that you may not want to share with a third person, right? There are just something’s about BFFs that you want to keep between the two of you! I get it! I understand how annoying that must be to you when your friend’s boyfriend has to be present every time you hang out. Not cool! I’m sure you’re a great best friend and you’re happy that your friend is in a relationship, but I agree that sharing your friend all the time is a no no.  

So what should you do? You’ve talked with your friend, told him how you feel, but nothing’s changed? You’ve got to make him understand that you will not tolerate being a third wheel. Let him know for sure that this makes you uncomfortable, so you have to agree on a compromise of some sort. Make him understand that you value the time the two of you have together and that you’re not always willing to share that valuable time with him. It’s a friend thing, right? I understand you’ve already discussed this with him, but have you told him how you really feel about this? Don’t hold back. It’s evident to me that this situation is really annoying you and you don’t want to play this third wheel game! It’s important that you let your best friend know why this is so upsetting to you. Perhaps there’s something you’re not telling your friend about why it bothers you so much. As you’re sharing your truth with him, be sure to let him know how you feel about your friendship and how happy you are for him and his boyfriend. Keep this conversation open, honest and real! Hopefully, your friend will understand how you feel and perhaps he’ll be willing to change his behavior and/or at least compromise with you.

Thanks so much for reaching out to EWC. I hope I’ve given you some positive thoughts to consider as you work through this issue with your best friend. I’m sure you and your friend will be able to work out a solution that’s good for both of you and your relationship.

Article #: 468695

Category: Friendship

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