Alone, abandoned and stuck.
Can our elder help a letter writer who feels that she has nobody to talk to?
Do you ever feel like a prisoner in your own mind? Do you just feel like you have absolutely no one to talk to or no one at all who understands what you’re going through. Sometimes I just want to rip my heart out of my chest just to feel something… anything at all. I feel so numb to everything recently. Life just seems to be moving and going forward but I’m just stuck. Utterly alone, abandoned, floating away to sea except the vast openness isn’t an ocean at all, it’s my own mind. Full of complete void but always mass chaos at the same time. How is that even possible? To have complete silence but also six to seven voices/conversations all brewing and going at the same time. I want everything to stop which is why I like to smoke… it numbs the numbness, keeps me just numb enough to get through daily life without ever having to question or do too much. But I want to do too much. I want to be the person who wakes up early to goals, and who eats correctly. Why can’t I accomplish any of these things when it used to come so easily? What has happened to make me switch back to espresso depresso? If I only knew that I could fix it, right? But how will knowing the cause actually do anything at all? Only sprinting into action can get you out of it. Only you can get you out. Only you. Again we’re back to being alone. A vicious cycle… you’re alone… but at what cost? I’m exhausted. I have no more to give. My cup is empty. How can I fix it?
Yes, I have felt like a prisoner of my own mind. I think it’s a human condition. And sometimes I’ve felt that I’ve had no one to talk to, or that no one will understand or have the slightest notion of what I alone am going through. Again, I think that’s part of the human condition. I do think we can get out of our own heads and open our hearts to others to impact those hopeless feelings. It takes a willingness to make changes in how we perceive life and relationships.
I encourage you to read the website linked here. At the bottom is an 8 minute video which I found very pertinent to your thought process, Krislynn. Seems many people are plagued with the same doubts, worries, chaos and numbness you describe. Check it out: https://medium.com/@aryamurali/you-are-a-prisoner-of-your-own-mind-aa46d48f285a.
You needn’t be alone. There’s an expression: “We read to know we are not alone.” I personally think that is profound. Ponder it for a while. I encourage you to read about self improvement, about building self confidence, and how to pursue happiness. Virtually every human is on that journey and you can learn from their personal struggles and successes by reading their own accounts.
I believe the best way to get yourself out of a vicious cycle is to change yourself and your actions. Share your pain with others. You began by writing to the Elder Wisdom Circle. Good for you! There are several ways you can share your pain (i.e. the things that are overwhelmingly perplexing): One way is by seeking a therapist. Another way might be confiding in your parents or a trusted teacher. Yet another way is making a friend or friends. Choose friends wisely. You didn’t mention whether you have friends or value peer feedback. I’m sure you do. I personally think friendships are what sustain and support us throughout life. Sometimes having someone else to lean on, or bounce our greatest fears off us, lets us know we are not alone. When we are in the company of someone who knows exactly what we mean when we describe our innermost fears, we feel safe and cared for.
I think you can resolve to fill up your cup. Try looking at life through a different lens. You will need to make the effort, but I have no doubt you can. Does that mean you’ll find a more contented path and never veer off? No. There is no guarantee that a certain behavior or attitude will always work. People change. You will, too. But, if you allow yourself to be stuck in the rut of loneliness and nothingness, you’ll get just that. But if you practice at positivity, you’ll get positive. I sincerely believe that.
Start out by getting some rest. Then, begin a list of the things you’d like to do to get out of your rut. Maybe that’s finding a new friend. Maybe that’s some form of exercise like walking or running. Maybe that’s reading everything you can about improving your emotional health. Maybe that’s going to a counselor and getting therapy. Maybe it’s volunteering to help someone else. Maybe it’s joining a book club. You decide. I’ve found that action (in any form) helps me get out of my own head. You will know which activities work best for you if you give them a try.
I care about you, and I’m pleased to have read your letter and had an opportunity to reply. Please give my advice and the wise words of the Dalai Lama some consideration. I think you’ll be able to find a way out of your darkness. I certainly hope and pray that it happens for you. God bless!
Article #: 477931