Should I come out to Mom?

I like my guy friend but she doesn’t really support the LBGTQ+ community.

I’d lean towards telling her, says our elder – as long as you’re prepared for her response.


Dear EWC

Hi, so I’m reaching out today because I want to come out as gay but my mom doesn’t support the LGBTQ+ community. Just the other day, I was watching a movie with my guy friend and things got a little heated and I was at his house so my mom wasn’t there even though I didn’t know that it would have gotten to that point. My mom has asked me a few years ago if I was gay and I said “no” because she seemed really mad. Basically, I like my guy friend and I’m gay but I just don’t know how to tell my mom, or if I should even tell her. If you can please help me with this, I’d appreciate it.


AuntAJ replies

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep such a big secret. In that regard, I lean toward telling your mom for your own peace of mind and ability to live your true life. However, you have to be prepared for her response, no matter what it is. It may hurt your feelings. Perhaps she won’t be as surprised as you think since it sounds like she suspected this in the past. Her first reaction may be anger, disappointment, etc. But her reaction doesn’t mean the whole world thinks like that.

If you feel like it would be a relief to get this off your chest, and are ready for any negative responses, then it may be worth it to you to be able to be free of the burden of carrying around this secret. I truly believe that regardless of her immediate reaction, she will grow to accept this fact in time. Initially, however, you may not want to bring your friends around until the atmosphere lightens up a bit. It can be difficult for a parent to accept things about their children that don’t align with their own personal opinions. If there is a general loving relationship between the two of you, she should be able to come around to your proclaimed identity. 

The final decision of whether to tell her rests with you. Do what your heart is telling you. My suggestion for how to go about telling her is to ask her when is a good time for the two of you to have an important discussion. Then sit down and just let her know how you feel, how long you have felt this way, and tell her you are hoping she can accept you for who you really are. Good luck to you. 

Article #: 478025

Category: Family

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