No, I’m not fine

A mother confesses that she’s exhausted and tired of pretending.

You’re not alone, says our elder. Make an appointment with your doctor and take the next step.


Dear EWC

I’m just extremely tired of everything. I’m always exhausted, I’m tired of wearing a mask everyday pretending to be fine. I wake up in the morning, put my ‘I’m fine’ mask on, go to work and act very social, people actually think I’m a people’s person. I get home and retreat in my cocoon. I’m sad, ugly, unworthy, a bad mother and have no interest in anything. I just needed to get that out of my brain.


Dot replies

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I am happy that you reached out to Elder Wisdom Circle. Just writing this letter had to be difficult when you feel the way that you do, but I believe this is a good first step. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to put on a happy face at work when you are feeling so down. Then you have the added responsibility of being a mom. 

First let me say that you are worthy. You deserve to be loved for who you are. Right now, you say you are sad. I would suggest that you make an appointment with your family doctor to talk about how you are feeling. He may be able to refer you to a counselor who could help you talk through your feelings. Depression can be a terrible thing to try to work through on your own. I can only say that I did have an experience that helped me have empathy for someone dealing with depression. When I weaned my youngest child I unexplainably fell into a depression that made it very hard to even get out of bed. I was so tired! I remember I couldn’t stop crying. When my husband asked me what was wrong I didn’t have an answer. I did reach out to the doctor’s office but unfortunately was dismissed by the nurse. Luckily for me the physical symptoms of depression were a manifestation of the hormonal changes going on in my body and resolved. I will never forget how it felt to feel that way though. I couldn’t just shake myself out of it. So I really encourage you to make that appointment with your doctor. Just from my experience I can see that there can be different causes for depression including physiological causes that can be treated with medication. 

I believe that you are strong enough to take the next step. It has to be so difficult trying to care for your children, going to work and trying to act as though everything is “fine.” You deserve better. You deserve to feel happiness, pleasure and excitement. Believe me when I say you can feel that way again. Talking about how you are feeling is the first step. Being “real” is a risk, but I have found that I’m never happy when I’m not authentic about who I am or what I’m feeling. All feelings are OK. They aren’t good or bad… they just are. Sometimes we have to feel things to get through them. But sometimes imbalances in our physical body can cause mental changes, so try to be open to examining how you can reach out for help. Maybe you could start by talking honestly with someone you trust like a relative or close friend. You may be surprised how much just acknowledging how you feel can start a path to healing. People do care. 

You are not alone. I can’t say I know how you feel, or how difficult reaching out to someone will be. But I do know that things won’t get better until you do. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you will take the next step to make an appointment with your doctor or a mental health therapist. Please feel free to write back to Elder Wisdom Circle anytime. We are always here to listen. 

Article #: 472979

Category: Other

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