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There’s no escape from Mom

Thanks to Covid 19, I’m stuck inside with my mom. Should I stand up to her or just take it? 

Our elder counsels keeping the peace for now.

 

Dear EWC

Hi. Thank you for taking the time to read this. With Covid 19 and the shelter in place going on I haven’t had an escape from my mom. I used to get the time I needed away from home but now I’m stuck with her. She forced me to come out as gay by pushing me to the point of crying until I finally admitted that I’m a lesbian. It went surprisingly well until a few days later where she would make homophobic comments and tell me it’s against the Bible. She would also tell me that I’m not honoring my mother and father by making this choice. I can’t just make myself straight. It wasn’t a problem until yesterday when she made me try on a pair of shorts that was too small for me just to point out that I gained weight. I have a history with bulimia because two years ago kids would bully me for my weight. I know I’m not fat but it doesn’t help to have it pointed in your face again. I’m not really sure whether to stand up to her or just take it. If you have anything that could help me out, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

 

Mrs.G replies

I’m sorry for what all you are going through. This Covid19 seems to be ruining so many lives that it is heartbreaking. But I have to believe our world will get back to normal in time. In the meantime, however, we need to gather all the strength we have to cope and to not let it defeat us. We need to just try to do the best we can and take it a day at a time.

I can see where your forced stay-at-home life is causing you problems, but maybe one good thing is that you finally came out. I would think you feel a sense of relief even though you didn’t get to tell your mom the way you wanted. Now, what you have to do is try to understand her thinking and give her time to adjust. I’m sure her mind is going in all directions, but I get the feeling she wants to accept you because you said at first, she was fine. Perhaps you could find some other websites that deal with this issue to help you more. Or, best of all, talk with a lesbian friend to see how she is managing. Basically, though, I think this whole matter can’t be solved in a day or two. It will take time.

I’m sure you are ready to yell and scream and stand up for yourself, but my advice is to not do it. It will just make matters worse. Let your mother spout off as much as she needs to and just stay quiet. I know this is a tall order, but you need to keep peace in the house. With you both shut in like you are, a constant argument will just make matters worse.

As I said at the beginning, my dear, this Covid 19 will go away so we just need to be strong while it lasts. And we must keep the hope. Just think, some day you will no longer be shut in at home and you’ll be able to resume your regular life. Keep that as your dream. OK?

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