A letter writer is struggling to accept that he might be gay.
Accept feelings you are having, says our elder. Don’t judge them; listen to them, and see where they go.
I think I might be having homosexual thoughts. I don’t know why and I need help. I don’t think I want to be gay, but I think I’m starting to accept it. Please help.
I can appreciate your anxiety about your feelings. Our schools and culture teach us that it is “normal” to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex and if you grow up to find that you are attracted to those of the same sex, it seems weird. But it’s not wrong or unusual to be a homosexual. In fact, history shows that there have been homosexual men and women since forever.
I can’t say for sure why you are having homosexual thoughts, but my suggestion is that you come to accept the thoughts and feelings you are having. They are neither right nor wrong. They are your feelings. Don’t judge these feelings, but listen to them and see where your thoughts go. I don’t believe you can change your inherent sexuality. It is who you are and the way you were made. It is best to come to embrace and accept yourself.
I can relate to your concerns as I have a 31-year-old son who is gay. He didn’t accept this about himself until he was 21 and even then, it took him a long time to become comfortable with it. He was worried his friends and family wouldn’t accept him and was pleasantly surprised to find everyone so supportive. However, he has always lived in major cities where “coming out” is maybe more accepted than in other areas of the country.
If you believe your parents and friends won’t be accepting of you as a homosexual that can make the journey to accept your feelings more difficult and may require you to be more careful in whom you tell and when you tell them.
So, what do you do at this point? I suggest you first consider who you know who might easily accept you being a homosexual. Do you have a trusted friend or family member whom you can talk to and share your feelings? I believe it will be easier for you if you gradually let people in on your feelings. Each time you come out to someone new it will hopefully become easier to come out to another person.
I would also encourage you to befriend other men who are gay, if you know any. It helps to know someone in the same situation to share their experiences and feelings and learn how they chose to come out and how it worked out for them.
My son tells me that when he goes on dates the subject of “how I came out” occurs frequently. Unfortunately, it still isn’t the “norm” to be gay in our society so most struggle a bit with the decision to announce their gayness. But our culture is becoming more accepting all the time and I do believe you can look forward to a wonderful, fulfilling life with loving relationships with gay men.
I truly wish you the best on your journey to self-discovery. You are a courageous young man and I applaud your decision to address your feelings.
Article #: 416843