It’s three against one

A letter writer is feeling isolated after falling out with her three best friends. 

You need help and support, says our elder. Talk to your parents!


Dear EWC

Around March, my three best friends and I had a huge falling out where it pretty much ended with them being closer and me not being friends with any of them. Ever since then, I constantly feel like I’ve been drifting from my other friends and struggling a lot with my mental health. As I’ve said, they were my best friends and I was really close to all of them. After it ended, I only really talked to one other person but it’s clear she chooses them over me when it comes down to it. It has gotten to the point where I want to quit activitiesI do in which they are in and it makes me cry just thinking about it. In a way, I want to rekindle our friendship but they hate my guts and I’ve even heard them say they want to punch me. We’re in high school and I’m scared to talk to anyone about this because parents will make a big deal and my friends will side with them. It has just gotten to the point where I’m practically isolating myself from everyone because I’m convinced they hate me too. There are more details I can provide, just any advice would be helpful.

Loretta replies

Losing your three best friends all at once can feel devastating. Also, it sounds like they have ganged up on you. After I read your letter, I found myself wishing you had told me more about what happened to cause the falling out. Without knowing more, it is difficult for me to advise you. I wonder what you could have said or done that was so bad that you alienated all of them? They certainly are very angry, even threatening to punch you! They don’t sound like the kind of “friends” I would want to keep!

Here are some thoughts. If you believe you did the honest and right thing, you are better off without these friends who are rejecting you! But if you think you acted badly, and were in the wrong, you might want to try to let them know how you feel now. But it seems like you have tried to do this already, with one girl, who sides with the others! In any case, I am wondering why you even want to be friends with them again. You shouldn’t have to be in fear of being assaulted by so-called “friends!”  

Again, without knowing more, I hesitate to give much advice, with this exception: You wrote you are scared to talk to your parents because “they will make a big deal,” but it is a big deal for you! You need help and support. If there is a counselor, or a teacher at school who you like and trust, I encourage you to talk to them.

I hear you are suffering a lot. You need – and deserve – help in resolving this issue. I am glad you wrote to EWC, but I wish I could help more. Reach out to your parents, a close relative, a counselor, or a teacher Also, please feel free to write to EWC again, if you would like. 

Article #: 466504

Category: Friendship


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