My best friend ignored our friend group all night because she was with an older guy, and now we’re in a fight.
Try to understand her, says our elder. You can get past this.
Currently my best friend and I are in a fight. This argument all started at the prom. She was asked to go with an older boy and she said yes. At the prom she pretended like our friend group didn’t exist and didn’t speak to us the whole night. She got there first with her date and didn’t save us a seat to sit with her, didn’t dance with us, and had the nerve to come up to us at the end of the night and say that her date left and she was with us now. Then I later found out that she said behind my back that I was nothing without her and that I would always come running back to her because that’s just how I was. At this point I don’t know what to do. She is pretending like none of this ever happened.
What you describe in your letter is something that happens a lot. High school is the first time we develop friendships that are a little more adult and things don’t always go smoothly. I am sorry that you are having these problems, but let me see if I can offer some insights for you.
I am guessing that this friend had a date for the prom and the rest of your friend group did not have dates. When I went to high school, many years ago, we did not have the option of going to prom with no date. My best friend and I spent the night of prom on the phone feeling sorry for ourselves. Today, everyone gets to go to the prom and that is how it should be. Often, you can have more fun anyway with just your friends. So, consider how lucky you are to have that group and that you did not have to miss your prom!
I think that what you need to do here is to be understanding with your friend. You need to get past her behavior and let her know that you do not hold it against her. Try to think about what was happening to make her act so badly. The fact that her date left her at the prom does not sound like a good thing. She may have been feeling very hurt and embarrassed by his behavior. She probably was trying to act like it did not affect her and was kind of taking it all out on you and the friend group. When we are hurting, we often in turn hurt those who are closest to us.
If your friend is pretending that none of this happened it is probably because she feels guilty about how she acted. If you think about it, you might have done the same thing under similar circumstances. We humans instinctively try to protect ourselves physically and emotionally. So understand that your friend is human and made some mistakes. Be the bigger person here and forgive her.
In your heart, I think that you know what to do. Don’t worry about what others are going to think. Just do the next right thing. Reach out to your friend and let her know that she means a lot to you. I wish you good luck and enjoy the rest of your school year!
Article #: 421384