The rejected musketeer

They were best friends, but now this letter writer is discovering how much it hurts when three become two. 

Forge new friendships, says our elder, and take heart – we all go through this.

Dear EWC

Hello, I’m a teenage female so maybe I’m just being moody and sensitive but here we go. So I have these two friends, and it was like we were supposed to be the Three Musketeers, you know? But for the past month they’ve made me feel really left out and it makes me feel rejected and not important. They make plans in front of me, barely include me in the conversation when I’m right there and tend to blend as friends a lot better than me. I feel different and isolated. When one of them isn’t there, sometimes they’ll turn to me and say they miss the other one, and that hurts even worse. Like I don’t even matter. I’ve dealt with feeling left out a lot and I don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to them about it and they said it was understandable but I can’t get mad at them for growing as friends but it still hurts and I just don’t say anything about it. 

And the other thing – one of these friends, I’ll call her Linda. I tend to compare myself to Linda’s beauty and I get jealous of her and she has never ever had someone she liked not like her back. I know this for a fact, and I know how requited love feels so much. She gets to be close friends with the people I want to be close friends with (three to be exact) and it’s like just why. Before we were even friends we were in a situation where a guy was picking between us and I never got mad at her about it but it still hurt. Please help me.

M.Sharon replies

It is not unusual for girls to kind of clique together, and gradually exclude the third girl. Relationships change a lot. You can’t blame yourself for this. They are apparently more drawn to one another.

My suggestion is to still stay friendly with them, but make a real effort to engage yourself with other girls, and forge new friendships. I know how isolated you can feel. It hurts your self-esteem, and makes you feel socially awkward.

One thing that can help is to explore new interests. Join a club, start a new class or hobby: art, music, volunteer work, sports. The more you find productive outlets for possible friendships & (not forgetting your studies) the better you will feel about yourself. Remember, it’s not about you – it’s just they have bonded together. 

This is one issue.

Your second issue is the jealousy you have regarding Linda. As I’m sure you know, there is always at least one girl that seems to be prettier and more popular. Please keep in mind that jealousy is a poison, and eats away at your insides.

Keep in mind that a guy picking out a girl normally just means physical attraction. He doesn’t know the true person. So, it really doesn’t mean you are personally rejected. After all, who you are inside is what matters. 

Even if Linda is friends with some of the girls you want to be friends with, don’t let that stop you from attempting a friendship with them. 

I know this is very hard. No one likes rejection. I also know this period in your life seems as if it will go on forever. This is where you need to draw on your inner strength, and be true to yourself. If you can, explore other activities, as I mentioned before. Rely on family as well.

I wish I could give you a quick fix answer, but keep in mind almost everyone goes through this.

I do hope you’ll be able to get through this rough period. Remember, you are not alone.

Article #: 411899

Category: Friendship

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