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A vicious circle

I allowed someone to hurt me and now I’m lashing out at everyone around me. 

Our elder suggests some helpful starting points for a letter writer who needs to work through her anger.

 

Dear EWC

Hello I am overwhelmed with anger and resentment towards everyone around me, which has caused me to alienate and attack them. I allowed someone else into my head and heart and now they are no longer available and I crossed a line getting involved in the first place… I am angry, bitter, mean and nasty to those closest to me and I cry all the time, get mad cause no one wants to be around me and then treat them badly when they are… a vicious circle. If I don’t get a handle on the loss and anger, I will be alone. I need guidance and help.

Danray replies

It’s sad to read that you are angry and hold resentment towards everyone around you. I get the sense that you had a previous relationship that didn’t end well and that is a major reason for your current feelings. It must be very hard to feel this way and the fact that you’re pushing people away from you. 

The bad news is that you’ve had this experience but the good news is that you know that you have an issue and seek help. It’s important that we feel good about ourselves and appreciate the family and friends in our lives. I’m sure you have a lot of things in your life for which you can be thankful. 

If you think about it, we have many things going on in our lives. I’m not sure how old you are but all of us have aspects of our lives that we manage. Here’s a website that outlines the idea of the “Wheel of Life”:

https://journal.thriveglobal.com/how-does-one-become-centered-and-balanced-bb28627a4461

As you read the information, you’ll notice that it’s important to have a balance across a wide range of areas within our lives, including Family, Friends, Work/Career/School, Faith or Spiritual Investment, Heath, Fun and Recreation, Finances and, yes, relationships. I would ask you to assess how happy you are across all of these areas. From my experience, as you work on all of your life balances, the other areas of the wheel seem to fall in place.

It’s important that you don’t let one thing in your life define you. Whatever is causing your anger and resentment needs to be let go and you need to embrace what is good in your life. I would also recommend that you seek professional help to help you through this process.  Talk to your doctor and/or you can go online to understand what resources are available to help you work through the anger and pain. At one time in my life, I was dealing with anxiety and depression and my doctor and counselor helped me. 

It’s important that you take action. You know that you need help and there are resources available. 

I hope this helps you get started and I do wish you the best on your road to recovery.

Article #: 408552

Category: Other

2 Comments

  1. Hi, I have been feeling sad and empty for the longest time. I never talk to anyone i about it because I feel like I am burdening them or that they won’t understand or will begin to see me differently. I don’t have any friends who really like me as a person, most people only like the idea of me or what I can do for them. And I feel like it is my fault for making these friends and that something bad about me attracted them. In social situations I never know how to act and it feels like everyone always knows what to do or say. I feel so clueless and alone. I feel like there is something wrong with me and that maybe God is punishing me or maybe it’s a sign that I don’t deserve to be happy. It seems that everything I want in this world is somehow bad because every time I’m happy, I some how manage to disappoint someone or do something wrong. I overthink everything I do and I can’t even do anything for myself without feeling like I’m doing something bad. I just feel trapped in an endless loop. Sometimes I try to be happy but it just feels like there is nothing to be happy for. Then I also feel ungrateful for everything I have then I ask God why I am alive if I’m just here to suffer and there are others more deserving of my life than me.

    1. Administration Reply
      July 17, 2022

      If you’d like to connect with an elder for some advice on this, please go to our website https://www.elderwisdomcircle.org/ask-for-advice/ and an elder will respond. They do not respond to posts here in order to maintain confidentiality.

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