Birthday party best friend woes

This letter writer was planning a birthday party when her best friend made it clear she wouldn’t come. What’s up? 

Our elder helps her consider the options.


Dear EWC

I was planning my birthday party and decided to invite some of my juniors and my close friends only. I was discussing the venue with my best friend and then she started acting weird. First she said that her father would not allow her to come, which is entirely untrue as our families are also friends and her father is also a very chill person who allows her to go anywhere. Then she started acting very weird and I just said that okay let’s just cancel the party, so that no one has to face any troubles and she replied, “As you wish.” That’s it. And then she sent me a snap playing game and all. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I am really hurt. And I just needed someone to talk to.


Kathy replies

I don’t know when your birthday is or if it has already come, but happy birthday to you!!  

I’m sorry your best friend has hurt your feelings. I will give you my thoughts and maybe it will help. I don’t think there is a right or wrong option, these are just things for you to consider.

Option 1. You can ignore your best friend’s comment and continue planning your birthday party. It is your birthday party and you don’t need her permission or blessing to celebrate your birthday. Invite her and your other close friends and juniors. If she comes, that’s good. If she doesn’t, that’s good also. I understand that you consider her your best friend, but I don’t think that gives her the right to try and control you or your birthday party.

Option 2. You can talk to her and find out what is going on. Maybe she was having a bad day or going through something that has nothing to do with you. Hopefully after speaking with her, you will either feel better about the situation, or find out that she is having issues of her own unrelated to you. Possibly you may realize that she is not as good a friend as you thought or talking together could help both of you and strengthen your friendship.

Option 3. Another thought I had was maybe the family is having some financial problems that you and your family are not aware of. I am not familiar with birthday customs in India but in America it is customary to give a birthday gift. Usually, the gift is appropriate for the event and venue. If the party is informal or at home, then a small gift would be appropriate. Sometimes parties are expensive and more formal. There would be the expectation of dressing up (which might cost money) and giving a more expensive gift. This may not be an issue in this situation but it is a thought I wanted to share with you.

It is normal to feel hurt when someone we consider to be a best friend treats us in a way that seems dismissive or uninterested. It’s hard to know exactly what is going on with your friendship. It may be you are being overly sensitive and she did not realize she hurt your feelings. It could be some outside influence like a financial situation or another issue. Or possibly your friendship is drifting apart, which can happen to friendships. It doesn’t mean it is anyone’s fault.

Hopefully talking to someone about it has helped. I hope I have helped you and if you need to talk with someone in the future, please contact us again. We would be happy to help. Take care and happy birthday!

Article #: 481356

Category: Friendship

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