Where’s the ring, then?

My boyfriend says he believes in marriage but after seven years together, he shows no signs of commitment. 

Only you can decide whether or not you can keep accepting this, says our elder.


Dear EWC

Hi. This is my problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years. Today he told me he believes in love and marriage but nothing about including me in that idea. I really love him but I think after all this time if he was serious about me as a life partner he would have gotten there. I just can’t bring myself to admit to myself that I might have to break up with this guy. I can’t bring myself to talk to him about it but I feel like I have to. Help. Thanks.


Aondreaa replies

Your letter indicates that you already know the answer to the question you are asking, but perhaps you need to hear it from someone else. So…

Let me remind you of an old saying: “Actions speak louder than words”. Have you heard that before? Your situation immediately brought that to mind. Your boyfriend is saying (more or less) what he knows you want to hear (“I believe in love and marriage”), but is doing nothing to move your relationship from its seven-year dating status to making it legally binding. What more do you need to know? As long as you accept this setup, it will continue.

Now, pause before you do anything drastic. If you really value being with this man as a partner without the status, benefits, and encumbrances of marriage, then stay put and accept the relationship for what it is. If you press for more commitment, it may result in a breakup, as I think you realize. So weigh carefully your options, then make the decision that will work best for you in the long run.

I hope it helps to hear from an outsider. Best wishes going forward!

Article #: 494287

Category: Dating/Relationship

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