My ex has a new lover

I’m still heartbroken! How can I accept the fact that she’s moved on? 

It’s normal to still feel sad, says our elder. Focus on the non romantic parts of your life right now.


Dear EWC

In the past our relationship ended very confusingly for me and it forced me to give up even though I still love her very much. I tried so hard to keep this relationship back but the more we hold on, the further we push them both away. After we broke up I received a lot of advice and encouragement from everyone but deep down inside I feel deeply hurt every time I see her face or something about her so I decided to avoid her at all times. Then the first very difficult month passed with silence on both sides. In the second month, I still tried to avoid seeing her because seeing her again at this time I was very heartbroken, but one day I thought I could be normal again when I met her again. I found out that she had a new lover. I have a problem with my ex-girlfriend moving on with a new lover. It made me feel extremely sad and plunged me into the depths of despair. Please give me advice on how I can meet her and her new lover without feeling bad and uncomfortable. Thank you.


Ruby-Mary replies

Thank you for reaching out for help as you struggle with a complicated relationship concern. I’ll do my best to give you helpful insight to think about as you move forward after your breakup.

I am so sorry that you are going through this complicated relationship issue. Getting over someone you still love is of course very difficult. You already know that! Please understand and accept that your love for your former girlfriend will not disappear overnight. I’m sure you get that, but I’m thankful that you are not trying to simply deny your feelings as part of the process of getting over the relationship. Your feelings for her were real and it’s obvious that those feelings are still with you. So, of course those feelings surfaced again when you saw her and when you realized that she has moved on. Please know that it is normal to still feel extremely sad after a break up. It is normal to still feel hurt and heart broken, especially when you see her with a new love interest. It’s ok to allow yourself to feel those feelings, but keep in mind heartbreak creates an emotional wound that takes time to heal. So, what can you do? What should you do to feel “normal again”? 

 I want to encourage you to start thinking about what is best for you now? Try to focus on other parts of your life. Focus on the non-romantic parts of your life that bring you joy and happiness. Try to spend more time with loving family and friends. Perhaps you should also consider joining a support/social group or taking up a new hobby. I think it’s important that you do not begin to focus on trying to find a new love at this time. Try to stay focused on other things you need that make you feel happy and loved. I once heard a TV personality pose this question: “What will it take for you to feel loved even when you’re not ‘in love’ with someone?”  Spend some time thinking about that question. I love it! Self-reflection is very good for the soul! I’m thinking you will definitely benefit from a little self-reflection at this difficult time.

You may want to check out some online sites for further insight regarding how to move forward after a breakup. Here are a few online sites you may find helpful:

  •   Open Counseling- hotlines
  •   Worldwide Mental Health: help
  •   United for Global Mental Health:  support

Thanks again for reaching out to EWC. Hopefully, I’ve given you some positive thoughts to consider as you heal. My positive thoughts are with you. Please feel free to write again if you have additional questions, concerns or you want to send an update. I would love to receive an update from you to hear how you’re doing. Take care.

Article #: 494135

Category: Dating/Relationship

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