What if he admits his feelings?

I think my friend likes me but I’m scared of what might happen if he admits it to me. 

Our elder asks: What are you scared of? Write down your own feelings and trust your intuition.


Dear EWC

I have been friends with this guy for almost two years. I have noticed recently how he pays attention to every detail. Looks at me like he has seen me for the first time. He always opens the door. He always congratulates me. He does whatever I ask no problem. Everyone around us thinks we are dating. It is a good feeling. A beautiful feeling. I feel pretty in his eyes. He makes me feel special at times. I’m scared of what would happen if he ever admitted his feelings. I’m not even sure if I like him. I don’t know what I feel.


Kind replies

I’m so glad you wrote. 

You end your letter with, “I don’t know what I feel.”  Let’s work backwards, shall we? You state that your friend makes you “feel pretty in his eyes” and “special at times.”  That when he does whatever you ask, “it is a good feeling, a beautiful feeling.”  

The fact that after two years of knowing him he pays attention to every detail, looks at you like he has seen you for the first time, always opens the door, always congratulates you, is beautiful!

My dear, what is the confusion exactly?

I would say he is admitting his feelings. Not through words only, though he does that when he always congratulates you, but mainly through actions. That’s how we can trust people. Words are cheap. They can be hollow, full of hot air like a balloon. The only way to know a person is to observe their behavior. How do they treat us and how do their actions make us feel?

You have described how he treats you and how his behavior and words make you feel. It’s all positive.

He is admitting that you are special to him repeatedly.

Are you just friends? Are you lovers? It’s not clear from the cryptic title of your letter. Are you afraid of becoming lovers?

What are you afraid of? I would take out a notebook and write down the answer. Write whatever comes to you, however it comes out. Don’t worry about how you write it. Just let it all pour out like water from a faucet. 

Keep paying attention to how you feel around him. How do you feel in your body? Are you attracted to him? If you are not lovers, do you want to be? Do you not know how to take the next step? Or are you afraid that he will or that things will stay the same? Are you afraid he likes you more than you like him? 

You can write to me three more times and I would love to offer you more encouragement and suggestions. Write some and see what comes out. 

If you just want to stay friends, let him know that. That’s what words are for. If you want something more, give him a hug and stay in his arms. Speak with your body and see how he reacts. To know what you want you sometimes have to take another step and see how it feels inside. Take little steps. Always keep checking in with yourself. Do you feel at ease? Do you feel comfortable? Happy? Safe? Do you want more? All those are positive signs that you are on the right track with this man. 

If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, nervous, pressured, scared, those are all valuable signals as well. It means things are going too fast for your comfort or simply that he is not the man for you. Pay attention and honor those signals, whatever they may. Only you can do that. No one else. The more you practice noticing, the more you develop your awareness. The more aware you are, the more refined your antennae become. You count. You matter. What feels good to you, what feels right to you is only accessible to you. So, when you notice anything at all, trust it. Trust your reactions. Trust your gut feelings. Trust your intuition. It’s your inner guidance system and it will not fail you.

I hope you write and explore some of these feelings on paper and write back. Do you have any fantasies about him? Are you attracted to him physically? Do you ever wish he would make a move? Do you like to look at him? Do you like how he smells? All these things give you information about what you want. 

I’m so glad you wrote and I hope some, many or even one of my suggestions is helpful. I have kept journals for my entire life beginning at age 15. I’m 63 now and I keep writing as a tool to get out my feelings, to find out what I am feeling, to get out frustration, sadness, to document and preserve moments of great happiness and accomplishment. Writing is an extraordinary, deep, free tool for self-discovery. I highly recommend it.

Take care, and I hope to hear from you again.

Article #: 494881
Category: Friendship

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