I don’t want to be a burden

This letter writer is grieving after losing their grandmother and a family pet. 

Talk to your friends, urges our elder. You’ll be surprised at how much they can help.

Dear EWC

Hello, I am a college student, living away from my family. A few days before this semester began, my grandmother passed away. She had been ill for a while, and she had a stroke one night. I don’t think I properly gave myself the time to grieve, as I was just coming back to campus that day and was planning to have some fun with my dad before I got the news. Her funeral is coming up over spring break, and I’ve been hurting a lot. I also lost a pet a few weeks after she passed, which was heartbreaking as well, but with the stress of university work, I didn’t allow myself much time to process my emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. I find myself crying a few times a week due to it and other unrelated issues. I have no close family up here, and I feel guilty trying to open up to my friends about it because I feel like I might be bothering them with my problems. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t get it to stop. I don’t have convenient access to therapy, nor do I have the means to pay for it. What are some healthy ways I could handle my grief? Is there a way I can try to ask my friends for help without feeling like a burden to them? Any answers would be appreciated, thank you.

Lawry replies

I would be happy to answer your letter. I am so glad that you decided to reach out to ElderWisdomCircle. That is what we are here for.

First, I want to tell you how sorry I am that both your grandmother and your pet died recently. Grief is never an easy thing to deal with. Being able to talk about it is extremely helpful. I think your friends at college would be very willing to talk with you about your feelings right now. You might even be surprised to learn that some of them have also dealt with grief and they may be able to give you some hints of what helped them. By asking them if you can talk about your grief, you are in no way being “a burden to them”, so you can put that out of your mind. That’s what friends are for, to help each other out, no matter what the issue.

It might also be helpful for you to search online for “the five stages of grief.” They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Reading the explanation of each, could be of use to you. Then you will know that what you are experiencing, with the crying a few times a week, etc. is perfectly normal.

I hope that this has been helpful to you, and I wish you a great deal of happiness as you move forward with your life. I’m sure you can work through your feelings with some help. Think positive. I am a great believer in that. 

Article #: 485671
Category: Family

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