Trans Woman Tired of Living a Lie


Trans Woman Tired of Living a Lie


Original Letter

Trans woman, not out. Tired of living a lie. But on the other hand, I will never be pretty, I will always be an ugly troll, one a guy in a dress. Just don’t know what to do. I’m just tired. Sarah

Elder Response

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time.  You say you’re tired of living a lie and are not out.  Are you not ready to come out?  Is coming out sometime in the near future a possibility for you?  I’m sure you’ve thought about these things but I thought I would put it out there just the same.

Sarah, I think there are many people who are in your situation and who share similar feelings and dilemmas as you.  I don’t know if you’ve been able  to talk to anyone, but I think the first step is to find a support group, either online or in person, for trans people.  I did a search for transgender support and I’ll paste a few links at the end.  You might want to do your own, more location specific search.  Through these groups you can connect with people who are facing the same kinds of things you are, you’re not alone.  You might also find counselors who have expertise in transgender issues that you can speak to one on one.

It concerns me that you think of yourself as an ugly troll who will never be pretty.  I think that connecting with a support group and/or speaking with a counselor can help you with that.  Our perception of how we look has a lot to do with how we are feeling about ourselves.  I know that when I’m having a great day I walk past the mirror and I think I look marvelous, but if I’m having a miserable day the mirror reflects someone I’m not to happy with.

I do hope that you find a group and/or a counselor who can help you understand that you are a unique and beautiful person in your own right.  We need to stop trying to live up to other’s (media, celebrities) ideas of beauty and embrace who we are.

I hope I’ve been of some help to you.  Please don’t hesitate to write back and let me know how you’re doing.  I’m pasting some links below, including a couple I found on fashion and makeup tips for transgender women (there a quite a lot, just search).  I wish you the best moving forward.

Best Regards,


One Comment

  1. Sarah, despite everything there’s always people that support you!! Stay strong gurl. You are what you think you are and more!!!

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