Help! All my friends are stoners

A letter writer wants to ditch the weed and move on with her life.

Our elder has some suggestions.

Dear EWC

Hello! I am very lost and need some advice. I’ve always had trouble finding friends and always had trouble with my identity. I knew what I liked, but had trouble finding people that appreciated my company, and because of that, I’ve gone through hoops to try to find a group that felt right to me. Recently, I saw a childhood friend of mine post about being prom queen and valedictorian in her school, and it made me feel crummy about myself. I’ve been into the stoner culture a lot recently because I’ve found that stoners are non-judgemental, easy to talk to, and carefree. I found it easier to talk to people when stoned.

But now I feel like I’m losing my sharpness and I wish to move forward in life. However, I invested too much in the stoner culture. All of my friends are stoners, all of my co-workers are stoners. Even my sister is one. I want to find new people that aren’t as addicted to weed, but it’s hard when the only way I know how to bond with people is over it. I’ve used it as a crutch to forge friendships, but now that I’m realizing its effects, I wish to move on and lead a more productive life. I’m not asking for help on quitting, I’m asking for help on finding new friends and overall tips on how to better myself so I can succeed. I appreciate any advice you’re willing to give.

Elder Danray replies

Firt, I’m glad to hear that you have chosen to quit drugs and that you are looking for ways to better yourself.  It sounds as if you now realize the bad effects that drugs can have and you wish to “move on and lead a more productive life”. Good for you! The bad news is that you had this issue but the good news is that you realized your problem and want to move on. That’s a great first step.

Be aware that everyone to some extent is working on self improvement or development. One way to look at personal development is to use the “Wheel of Life” process, here’s a website that reviews the concept:

As you read the information, you’ll notice that it’s important to have a balance across a wide range of areas within our lives including; Family, Friends, Work/Career, Faith or Spiritual Investment, Heath Fun Recreation, Finances and even Romance. It may make sense for you to look at “developing” yourself across all these areas. I know that you had some issues with finding friends that you wanted to be with but what about your education/career, fun and fitness, being with family and spending time with your faith or spiritual investment? I’ve found that as you work on the different areas of your life the others fall in place. When you invest in yourself in these areas you will meet people that are doing the same. Those are the people that I find easy to associate with.  Hopefully that will work for you. Be aware that there are a number of self improvement and development resources on the web that you may also want to look at. Just take the time to investigate what is available and looks interesting to you.

Also, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. I know of a number of people who reached out for counselling. There’s nothing wrong with talking to someone regarding your issues and to work with them on a plan to move forward.

Again, I’m happy that you are moving forward. Take the time to assess your “Wheel of Life” and make goals and investments across all those areas. Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help, you will be glad you did.

I wish you the best.

Reference 423101

Self improvement

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