Her in-laws posted all their wedding photos on social media first, and now nobody’s talking. Was she right to make a fuss?
We-ell, says our elder…
My husband and I got married less than two weeks ago. We kept it small (only my parents and his, as well as his sister) for the sake of saving some money and maintaining some privacy/intimacy. Prior to the wedding, I requested that no one post about it on social media until my husband and I had the chance to do so. I felt it only right that our big day be our big news. Our wedding day was beyond perfect. Everything was better than I could have ever imagined. My husband and I uploaded a single picture the night of, because we knew our families were anxious to spread the news, as well. My husband and I paid for a professional photo shoot involving only him and me. My parents and his parents split the minimal bill for the extra photos from the chapel.
Prior to his parents returning back to their home in another state from our wedding, we opted to let them have pictures from our entire photo shoot as well as the pictures from the chapel. We wanted to share our wonderful memories with them. A few days after the wedding, my parents posted a single photo from the chapel announcing our wedding. A week and a half after the wedding, his parents posted nearly every single photo we gave them (from the chapel and our personal photo tour). I was saddened by this, as my husband and I are huge on privacy. I asked him to ask his mom to remove our private photo tour photos. He conveyed to her that I wanted all of the photos removed. Now, he claims his mother locked herself in her room, crying, his father is furious with him, and his sister blames me for everything. I’m frustrated with the miscommunication but shocked at the response from his family. We kept our wedding small and intimate for a reason. I don’t feel comfortable having all of my wedding pictures posted onto social media without my consent. My husband says I have no right to dictate what they post since I gave them the pictures. I’m at a loss. My husband and I aren’t talking, his family now hates me, and I feel like one of the best days of my life has now been tainted. Please help me figure out if I overreacted or if they did.
I’m very sorry for the distress this matter has caused for you, your marriage, and your new (and old) family. I respect the fact that you wanted to keep the marriage celebration as private as possible. I value my privacy as well. I cringe at those who want to post every thought, failure, opinion, meal, and drink to the entire world.
While I’m a fairly retiring and private person, I’m going to advise that you swallow your pride, show some humility and work to repair the hurt feelings. Your shock at seeing your wishes for privacy ignored are understandable and valid, but part of becoming a mature and loving person is knowing when it’s time to check your pride and take the path that will lead to healing and forgiveness. You’re right, they’re wrong, but you need to pick your fights carefully. Good marriages are all too rare these days. Your marriage and relationships with your family and new in-laws are the most important thing in your life right now. Don’t risk a lifetime of resentment and anger over a matter that, I promise you, will fade into insignificance in the very near future.
As I understand your letter, you asked that nothing be posted until after the wedding had been announced on social media. Both you and your parents posted pictures of the wedding shortly after it happened. You gave your in-laws multiple pictures and they posted them a week and a half after the wedding. I’m sorry, perhaps your in-laws were not as respectful of your requests to maintain social media restraint, but I don’t think their oversight merits the degree of anger and resentment that you display.
Marriages are a challenging roller coaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows. In-laws can be especially trying. Believe me, I’ve been married for 38 years. You’re going to face difficulties, crises, disappointments, and dismay that far exceed anger over pictures being prematurely posted.
You don’t need to make dramatic or embarrassing calls or visits with all parties involved. Just speak to your husband and let him know that you’ve had a chance to cool down a bit and you have put your displeasure of the premature release of the wedding photos behind you. Tell him that you want to start off on a new foot with your in-laws. He’ll spread the word in his own time and in his own way. Please do it.
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” – Cherie Carter-Scott”
Letter #: 403474