A letter writer doesn’t feel that she deserves her wonderful husband.
Can our elder convince her otherwise?
My husband is by far the sweetest, kindest, smartest, funniest, most loving, generous person I know. He’s generous as a person but also with his spirit, he gives his time, energy, good will and attitude to everyone and everything he’s involved with. He is my absolute king and superman. He was also my best friend for two years before I told him I was in love with him and then two years after that we got married. I know he loves me as much as I love him but for some reason that makes me feel worse.
Firstly, I feel like I don’t deserve him which is a feeling I have finally come to terms with and I know I’ll never get over that, so I’m okay with that. My problem is that knowing he’ll love me no matter what, lulled me into a false sense of security in myself. I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and realized I hated myself, I hated my lack of motivation and I hated my body. I realized when we walk around together I feel like people must be like, why is that 10 with a 4? He’s got stunning blue eyes, tanned skin and a crazy buff body and loves working out and always encourages me to come with him, and I do, but I’m a flabby size 14 and I don’t want people thinking he has a chubby girl fetish or something. I know he doesn’t — he’s had skinny girlfriends in the past but they treated him like trash. He wishes I didn’t feel like this and he’s done everything in his power to build me up and I hate feeling like a burden on him or like I’m his problem to fix because I’m not, that’s not why we got married, we got married because we we’re best friends and soul mates and we will be for eternity. I guess my question is: how do I like myself?
I don’t believe for a moment that you don’t deserve this peach of a man. He obviously sees the good in you that you don’t see in yourself. We are all on this earth together to enrich each other’s lives. He is enriching yours, and you obviously enrich his, or he would not have married you. If you love him, trust him. Trust that he is smart enough to have married the woman of his dreams.
Love and marriage is not about 10s and 4s. Love is about sharing, caring, sacrificing, and having each other’s backs. By the way, there is no such thing as a flabby size 14 — unless maybe you are only 4 feet tall. I can’t even remember when I was a size 14. Size doesn’t make happiness either. I’ve been very happily married for 41 years to the best man on the planet, and I can tell you that I haven’t been a size 14 for any of those 41 years. I would hate to think that the man I love would think anything less of me because I don’t look like a fashion model.
So, how do you like yourself? You wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and recognize the wonderful woman staring back at you. Look inside your heart. Do you wish anyone harm? Do you hate people around you? Are you unkind to those you meet? If you are answering no to these questions, then you are deserving of your husband’s love. Cut yourself some slack. You deserve to have a good life, a good marriage, and to feel good about yourself. You are not expected to be perfect, nor look like your favorite movie star or fashion model. Just be yourself. Your husband married you, not the cover of Vogue.
Enjoy and cherish your marriage to this wonderful man, and have peace in your heart.
Letter #: 417098