I got to know one of my teachers as a mentor, but now he won’t talk to me.
Should I try to mend the relationship? Our elder has some tips for getting answers — or moving on.

Dear EWC

Around this time last year I had become quite acquainted with one of my teachers. It wasn’t an issue, he merely played the role of a mentor. Nothing more. I used to stop by his class after school and just chat, he used to speak to me when I passed him in the halls. Nothing unusual. But recently all of that has stopped. Yes, I stopped going by his classroom but only because our conversations started to feel forced and awkward. I felt invasive. I never communicated this with him. I assumed he would still speak to me in passing. But he didn’t. It’s been this way for at least a month now. It’s like we never knew each other. I’d like to re-acquaint with him if possible. Simply because I’m really shy/reserved and he’s the only person I feel comfortable around. Also because he’s helped me with my self confidence over the past year. I’m 15 years old if that matters, but as I previously said, our ‘relationship’ never got inappropriate. We both knew our place and neither of us crossed the line. So, what should I do? Is it possible to mend our relationship? Should I let go and move on? Honest advice is truly appreciated, thank you!

Salvador replies

Perceptions count a lot in life. I will only guess that he may have stopped because others may think there was something inappropriate. It is possible other teachers advised him to be careful or it possible he heard other students make comments. He may have felt overwhelmed by your visiting too much. He could have had some distractions to attend to and decided to maintain his distance. There could be many other possibilities. I do not know the reason.

However, there is nothing wrong if you ask him if there is something wrong. Hopefully, he will tell you. Remember that he has a career to protect and any misperception could hurt him.
If you feel he does not give you the reason why he is keeping his distance, I suggest you do let it go. I take it you are not having a class with him now so it may be best for you to move on.
You are reserved and shy. I suggest you find other people that you can associate with. You do not have to be the center of attention in all gatherings. Simply select a few to associate with. Find those that you have common things that you can talk about and do things together.
Perhaps become friends with a female teacher that can be your mentor.

It is a sad thing in life that things like this happen. I am only guessing that he is simply protecting himself from possible harm. That is a guess on my part though but it is common to see those things happen between teachers and students where they have to stop a nice and clean relationship because of what others may say. Is it fair? No, but it is what it is.

I hope this reply helped you. Don’t hesitate writing for further advice. We also welcome your feedback to let us know how you are doing and I wish you the best in life.

Letter #: 400622
Category: School